– Butterfingered Yale-Harvard football game interrupted by peaceful student protest. Armed police swiftly respond, outnumbering protesters quickly.
– Yale climate protester “really glad she had a good hair day” as she chants for climate justice in front of stadium full of peers and good-looking recent alums.
– Climate protesters just can’t seem to agree on the chant.
– L.A. Yalie pauses complaint about recent California wildfires to boo climate protesters.
– Protesters called “pathetic” by man in beanie. Man is soothed by passerby’s query of “dude?”
– Yale protester excited for Woodstock-style arrest photo; plans to “run it through VSCO” to get it “Instagram-ready.”
– Yale football fan surreptitiously Googles “divestment.”
– Elderly Yale alum is convinced climate protest is Yale marching band skit
– LTE crashes at the Yale Bowl as entire stadium Googles, “What is Puerto Rican debt?”
– Protester tells football player, “you’re losing anyway!” Football player responds with conceding nod
– Student who jumped the wall to join protest re-joins the stands just as easily says, “I’ve always been more of a follower.”
– Yale police officer giddily calls out, “Who wants to get arrested!?”
– Yale football player yearns to join protest; insecure manhood compels him to stay in the warm up line.
– Yale student readily concedes to police orders, having already proven himself a social justice warrior on Instagram Live.
– Yale student takes a “really cute Game pic” with her sorority sisters; pissed off that climate protesters are photobombing
– Career protester becomes bored with protest; joins anti-protest protest.
– Yale athletics department shuts down climate crisis protest, allowing Yale Football to continue losing the game
– Climate protesters inexplicably angry at Yale football’s “glow-up” in the second half
– Yale football fans more enraged by referee’s bad call than climate crisis.
– Yale protester desperately refreshes New York Times’ coverage, hoping for a photo cameo.
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