For my first column for the News, I want to write something that wouldn’t stir up too much controversy. I’ve seen other columns that have made a lot of people angry. You know which I’m talking about. I want to go with something simple that we can all agree on: Pizza is a tasty snack to eat when you are hungry.
I’m sure you’re all wondering, “Where is he going with this? Surely, he’s bringing this to a larger point.” I want to be very clear: No, I am not. I am just a man telling you that I think pizza tastes yummy.
I think that pizza is good for a few reasons. First of all, sauce. They normally make it out of tomatoes. I don’t even like tomatoes, but I do love tomato sauce! Second: cheese. Am I right, guys? Especially when it’s mozzarella. I prefer cheddar on my sandwiches, but if I’m eating a pizza, it’s gonna be mozzarella all the way! Third is crust — yes, please! Crisp and light is the best, but sometimes thick crust is good, too. And then there’s so many choices for toppings. I love pizza!
You may be wondering: Why am I reading a column arguing that pizza is good? Well, did you know that any Yale student can write an opinion piece for the News? Anyone. Anyone! Really, anyone. It’s wild. I just asked if I could write, and they said yes. The News goes out five days a week, and there are three opinion columns in every issue. That’s 15 columns a week. More than 60 a month. Hundreds a year.
But that’s not the point of this column. This column is about one thing: How pizza is a delicious food that I love.
There are a lot of great places around Yale to eat pizza. You could go to Pepe’s, where they serve tasty slices of pizza all the livelong day. Or how about Sally’s? I’m sure you’ll agree that they serve pizza that’s A-OK. Even Morse College (est. 1961 Anno Domini) and Ezra Stiles College (est. 1961 Anno Domini) serve pizza that makes my taste buds say “Thanks Adam! We sure do love pizza!” And now with Benjamin Franklin College, Pauli Murray College and Berkeley College all dishing out those yummy square pizzas, it almost feels like this scrumptious snack is everywhere you look. Hooray!
This is a real column, guys. It’s printed on a real newspaper, in a venerated publication.
I know that there are probably some people out there who think that pizza is not a tasty treat for a hungry, hungry belly. And now, I’d like to take a moment to address them. Why do you feel this way, friend? Is it because you’re a vegan? Don’t worry — they make vegan pizza! You have celiac disease? Gluten-free pizza is here for you! I guess I just don’t understand you. I tried to do some research, though.
In response to the question, “Do all people love pizza” on the website Quora, one user responded: “Not everyone likes to eat pizza. Some people think it is a cake of some tomato sauce and cheese, and if the cheese is cheaper, it will feel like rubber. However, I like to eat pizza, and eat a few friends with pizza, holding the hand to eat, while eating chat, the store environment is also suitable for casual chat.”
Oh dear. But I suppose this self-admitted cannibal has a point. Pizza can be bad if the cheese is cheaper. And to be honest, “eating a few friends with pizza, holding the hand to eat, while eating chat,” seems impractical at best.
In closing, I believe pizza is a yummy treat for anyone to eat. Be it delivery or DiGiorno, it’s always delicious. Finally, I’d like to reiterate that this is a real column that has been published in the Yale Daily News, the country’s oldest college daily newspaper. It will be archived in Sterling Memorial Library for generations to come.
Adam Chase is a junior in Pierson College. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org .