We know our website’s been down (sorry not sorry, YD“N”) but we’re finally unveiling the most important news event of the year — other than the announcement that WEEKEND’s idol/reason for being, Linda Koch Lorimer, is retiring. These sexy specimens descended all across campus this week and were caught in the act by WEEKEND’s trusty band of photographers. Don’t fret if you missed them. Word on the block is that they’re visiting the Yale Farm next week for a roll in the hay. 😉
WEEKEND saw these beautiful people on the way back from penny drinks at Woad’s. They’ve melted the hardened black heart of this SWUGlyfin’ periodical, and we don’t know how to thank them other than offering our bodies and self-worth (we’ll feed you our theses if you want?). Catch these guys while they’re hot; they are single but so ready to mingle.
“I don’t object to cross-species relationships,” says Billy as we meet him for coffee at Blue State. He rakishly brushes aside a curl that’s wrapped around his horn while we stare longingly into his ocean-blue rectangular-pupiled eyes. WEEKEND highly, highly recommends this midwestern dreamboat, who comes straight from the mountains of Ohio. Unfortunately, Billy the goat is currently taken — sorry, ladies! But don’t worry, there are plenty of other “horny” guys on campus if you’re looking for a good time. Or if you just want to pet something.
WEEKEND was rotting in Connecticut Hall and emerged from its sticky cocoon of Durfee’s chicken wings and dirty chais when word got out that a herd of Yale’s sexiest members had congregated on Old Campus. Not that we aren’t used to the sight of shirtless frosh wiping the sweat dripping from their tanned brows and rippling abs, but we were hardly prepared for this sight for sore eyes.
“Bleat. Bleeeeeat. Blehhhhhht.” These seductive words faintly echoed on Cross Campus, accompanied by the soothing sound of water running on the still-under-construction Women’s Table and the taste of day-old Wenzel stuck in WEEKEND’s teeth. Then we saw her: Nina the Nanny Goat of XCampus. It’s not just that she has the exotic ethnically ambiguous skin of a Yale admissions wet dream — she’s got attitude to boot. “Goats be like up in my muzzle like what?!” said Nina. “And I’m like, ‘Bleat. Bleat the bleat up.’” WEEKEND can only dream of what it would be like to pet her, but, says Nina, “You can’t just come up and pet me. I kick. Hard. This,” she points a hoof at her face, “isn’t some barnyard shit.”