Feeling lonely? Lovelorn? Dreading Valentine’s Day? Never fear — WKND has devised the perfect solution to Yalies’ amorous woes. We’ve selected a lucky ten bachelors and bachelorettes from a large and qualified pool of applicants for this week’s straight edition. (Queer edition to come!) Now you, dear reader, get to vote for your favorite contestant to determine who gets paired up for a V-Day blind date. Simply scroll down and vote in the polls for your favorite bachelor and bachelorette by midnight Wednesday.
- I am majoring in MCDB with a minor in perversity … or computer science.
- As cliché as it may be, stopping time is the ultimate superpower; if you disagree you are not worth my time. Until I control it. 😉
- Future autobiography title: “Twilight: Waning Passion”
- I’d prefer human with two eyes and the works. And crazy. Batshit crazy is a necessity.
- Major: Global Affairs Minor: Vikings!
- Superpower: Ability to sink unlimited beverages
- Future autobiography title: “How I conquered life…”
- My ideal girl would have to embrace my controversial dance moves in Box. She would have to be outgoing and fun and also appreciate my sexy British accent.
- Major: Political Science (minor in exploring New Haven restaurants)
- Hypothetical superpower: ordering the most delicious item on the menu, every time.
- Future autobiography title: “Lox and ‘Bae’gels”
- I want to meet someone who is spontaneous and can go from rolling her eyes at me in one moment to cuddling in the next.
- Majoring in Global Affairs; minoring in Bar Trivia
- The ability to mute people
- Future autobiography title: “Short, Relatively Dark and Decent Looking”
- A girl who will lounge in her sweatpants on the couch with me on a Sunday morning watching three SportsCenters in a row.
- Major: Mechanical Engineering (Minor: JewBu Studies)
- Hypothetical superpower: to be able to play all the instruments in an orchestra at once
- Future autobiography online: “A Cypress in the Lost Coast”
- In a perfect world: a flamenco dancer. Ideal traits: thoughtful, a good conversationalist, caring, affectionate, zesty, inquisitive, musical (preferably with a nice singing voice), likes going on hikes.
- Philosophy and pre-med
- Superpower: an uncanny ability to spend many hours thinking about girls while steadily losing the ability to understand their actions
- Future autobiography title: “Eat, Play, Love”
- My ideal mate is someone whom I can talk to without trying. Someone who’s socially adept, but doesn’t party too much. Someone who’s a genuinely good person — the kind of nice where you think so well of them that, physical attraction aside, you just can’t help but want to kiss them.
- Major: Math, Imaginary minor: Pun making
- Superpower: I’ve always wanted a time-turner
- Future autobiography title: “Just Plane Wrong: One geometer’s fruitless search for truth and beauty in math.”
- I am a vanilla heterosexual male. I desire independence and intellectual passion in a partner. Someone who wants to while away hours drinking tea and discussing recently read books would be perfect.
- Ethics, Politics, Economics and Art double major. Imaginary minor: Botany
- Superpower: Making anyone smile
- Future autobiography title: “A List of Ridiculous Things: 99 Truths and One Lie”
- Someone who inspires others and that can talk for hours on end about literally anything. Ideally she will love spontaneity just as much as I do! She also has to be up for trying new things (I’ve never been on a date, so this is new for me!) Finally, sweet, caring, carefree and honest: I will be all of these for her.
- Economics major — minor in gut class identification
- I honestly don’t want a superpower, because I know it would corrupt me and I would use it for evil. Although I wouldn’t mind being able to charge an iPhone with my thoughts.
- Future autobiography title: “The Life of Oprah Winfrey” (that would definitely increase sales)
- My dream girl is a sight to see, with long dark hair and a very tiny face. She has limitless compassion, loves sea turtles and either has or can fake an accent. She enjoys staying in sometimes to watch Netflix/ bake cookies, but when we go out you better believe we bring down the house together. Bonus points if she is a masseuse, plays golf or owns a pomsky.
- Major: Environmental Studies
- Imaginary Minor: Trans-species Communication
- Superpower: Editing Privileges on Space-Time Continuum
- Future autobiography title: “Taming Oneself”
- Description of Ideal Mate: Honest, physically active, strong fucked-up sense of humor, tolerant of a high-density of film references in casual conversation, the ability to focus completely on another person.
- Physics major, minor in watching television
- My superpower is that I’m always right; I’ll let you decide if that’s real or imaginary.
- Future autobiography title: “That Time I Cooked for The Backstreet Boys and Other Tales”
- A cross between Andy Samberg, Adam Levine and Hoodie Allen, gets even more attractive when he puts on glasses, doesn’t use the Oxford comma.
- Major: Badassery
- Minor: Anthropology
- Superpower: I have a sixth sense for knowing when the dining halls will be serving watermelon for breakfast (yes, without looking at the dining app, thank you very much)
- Future autobiography title: “From Myspace to Facebook: The evolution of the social being that is me”
- Ideal mate: someone who will cuddle with me in front of the misleading “fireplace” in my suite, someone who will fantasize about Sherlock marathons as much a I do while accepting that we don’t actually have 14 spare hours to make it happen, someone with an incense of humor (commonly found at East Asian trading markets) and preferably someone who is the straight version of Matt Bomer.
- Major: BME
- Minor: Yellow things with a concentration in ducklings and sunflowers
- Superpower: monopolizing couches
- Future autobiography title: “No, seriously, can someone tell me?”
- A description of your ideal mate: someone who can beat my mozzarella-stick-eating record. 28.
- Major: Film Studies (Minor: Michael Bay-bashing Studies)
- Superpower: The ability to sustain a fiery, all-consuming hatred of “Frozen” almost a year and a half after its release! I guess you could say that I can’t “Let it Go.”
- Future autobiography title: “I’m Not Mad (Yet), I Just Have Resting Bitchface Syndrome: An Autobiography”
- Looking for someone who has a dry sense of humor, is focused, loves nature and appreciates cinema. Has an eclectic taste in music. Can discuss religious beliefs in a balanced way. An awareness of race relations is a plus. A love of dogs and an intense dislike of cats is a plus plus!! Too complicated? Just get me Idris Elba. Yale has that kind of money, right?
- Major: Humanities
- Superpower: Can summon a “grande chai tea latte, no water” anywhere on campus in three seconds flat
- Title of her future biography: “I’m Not Judging You That’s Just My Face: A Real-World Blair Waldorf”
- Ideal mate must meet at least 7 of the following 10 criteria:
- 1. Under six feet tall
- 2. Republican
- 3. Never wears Vineyard Vines
- 4. PDA enthusiast, loves hand-holding
- 5. Section, no, lecture asshole
- 6. Owns puka shell necklace
- 7. Blonde
- 8. Does lots of drugs and/or all the drugs
- 9. Men’s rights activist
- 10. Listens to Nickelback
- Major: Cognitive Science. Minor: Theory and Practice of Appalachian Folk Crafts.
- Ideal superpower: Ability to make quesadillas appear whenever I want them
- Future autobiography title: “I Have Three Quesadillas in My Pocket”
- My ideal mate would enjoy kayaking, comfortable silences and saying hello to strangers on the sidewalk to freak them out, and also be trustworthy and funny and caring and stuff. And play the fiddle, or have a pet hedgehog. Or both.
- EP&E major with a minor in mastering various urban public transit systems
- Imagined superpower: perfect timing. Arrive at the bar just as that big group leaves, hit every green light, be that 100,000th customer, make a chill new friend while I’m just about overwhelmed by life.
- Future autobiography title: “Dodge the Basics, Delight in the Simple”
- Looking for someone who reserves judgment, is introspective, indulges in a wild and unselfconscious laugh, can appreciate 90s neo-soul/classic hip-hop and wants to go get swole with me in the mornings.
- Major: Psychology neuroscience track & English
- Superpower: I’m actually a mermaid
- Future autobiography title: “Tales of an endorphin addict”
- Ideal mate: wine lover, music lover, good lover
- Major: English (maybe Poli Sci)
- Superpower: reading and controlling minds
- Future autobiography title: “The Grey Goose Diaries”
- Funny and intelligent gets boring, so in addition to the aforementioned qualities, I’m looking for someone who is not afraid to get a little edgy and un-PC. He should have just the right combination of charm, arrogance and mystique to keep me interested. At the same time, this person should be refined and cultured and ideally possess a strong appreciation for the finer things in life, i.e. caviar, Petrarchan sonnets and Patron. Someone who will pre-game a YSO show and then take me bar-hopping sounds like the ideal mate. Chuck Bass meets Kid Cudi, if you will.
- Major in Ecology and Evolutionary Biology, minor in Bachata
- Superpower: Ice cream radar … and the ability to eat it all upon detection
- Future autobiography title: “Saw VIII: Back to the Beginning”
- Ideal mate: Damon Salvatore … except he has also seen all of the old Disney Channel Original movies and can do a standing back tuck (flip).