Tickets for the Harvard-Yale football game sold out in a record-breaking two days this year, leaving many Yalies with no way into Harvard Stadium. However, one student decided he would not let his two Tuesday lectures, four-hour lab, and discussion section keep him from buying a ticket to cheer the Bulldogs on. WKND sat down with Sage Jägerbomb ‘18, who just revealed that he found his way into the game last Saturday by temporarily joining the Yale Precision Marching Band.
Q: So… How did you pull it off?
A: To be honest, it wasn’t that hard. All I had to do was order a tuba costume from Amazon. I had it overnighted as soon as I realized there was no way I could get down to Payne Whitney to get tickets the Tuesday before the game.
Q: Were you nervous that, uh, anyone would realize that you weren’t actually a large brass instrument?
A: Nah. I mean, of course I was taking a gamble when I picked this plan over scaling the outside wall of the stadium or parachuting into the field. Like, I’m sure someone at some point was like, “That’s the biggest freaking tuba I’ve ever seen” or, “Wait, why does that instrument look like it has limbs?” but as Eleanor Roosevelt once said, you should do one thing every day that terrifies you. Anyway, I was surprised at how little attention I got. In fact, it was almost offensive how little attention the marching band got, but that’s none of my business.
Q: Seriously? No one noticed the extra 6’4” instrument with no apparent owner?
A: Not really. Or they were either too polite or hammered to mention it. I tried to stick as close as I could to this one tuba player so that maybe people would think he was just killing it on two at once—or playing a double tuba or something. Those exist, right? They’ve gotta exist. I’ve heard of double basses. So, yeah, I was mostly staying out of the spotlight, although I would’ve loved to get on ESPN. I probably made it onto like twelve snap stories at the very least.
Q: Your Saturday sounds exciting. What was Friday like for you?
A: Okay, well, I rode on the band bus to Harvard, but like in the luggage compartment with all the other instruments. Probably one of the worst ways to spend three hours, only mildly preferably to things like shopping at Durfee’s and pre-gaming at Harvard. After I extracted myself from the costume, I went to a Harvard party but it was so depressing I put the costume back on and went to talk to the homeless guy outside the Harvard Bookstore instead.
Q: How much did it cost to express ship the getup to you, if you don’t mind my asking?
A: $175—do you know how expensive Fedex Next Day Air is?!
Q: Wait, so why didn’t you just buy a ticket from a scalper for just $100?
A: Um, I wanted to refrain from driving up the demand for tickets and unshackle myself from our broken capitalist system. Also I didn’t really think of that.
Q: What was the best part about the whole stunt, besides getting into the game for a cool $0?
A: I’d probably have to go with being able to rip a loud one whenever you want and having people mistake it for the bassline to “Break Free.”