Let’s face it. Yale is not known for sports. We are not part of the PAC 12 or the Big 10. (I know what those things are.) Our football stadium does hold a respectable 64,000 people, but we don’t sell out every game like LSU or Alabama, each with stadiums seating over 100,000. The movies made about Yale don’t feature football heroes like Rudy, but instead students like Rory Gilmore and her aspirations for journalism.
But the one thing we do have is a centuries-old rivalry which surely won’t disappoint national audiences when we’re featured on ESPN’s College GameDay. So, here is perhaps your one and only chance to get on the big screen. Here is WEEKEND’s guide to what will and what won’t get you noticed this GameDay.
Don’t Flash … Your GPA on a Sign
I know no Yalie would do this, but some poor Harvard souls think flashing their 3.6-or-higher GPAs will get them national attention. They are sadly mistaken in thinking that’ll get them on the air. Unfortunately, their inflated egos can’t handle taking that advice, and the cameras may just catch them for a special segment of “Section Assholes Gone Wild.” Just try to steer clear and make your own vibrant sign of support for the Bulldogs sans personal achievements.
Harvard Sux Apparel
Always wear your FCC “Huck Farvard” shirt. If anyone questions your reading or spelling capabilities, just tell them you attend that lovely community college in Cambridge where everyone relies on spell check. Didn’t buy these shirts before they sold out? The favorite “’Harvard sucks.’ — Gandhi” is always a safe bet.
Yale Spirited Costumes
Packed away all of your Halloween gear? Well, it might be time to unshelve those boxes again, especially if you have any Yale-related pieces. Go all out and be a bulldog — the comfy faux fur might just keep you warm in the frozen hell that is Harvard. Throw the cameramen for a whirl and dress up as Eli Whitney (offensive) or Salovey (inoffensive).
Hissing is a No-No
Sorry YPUers. Substitute your snake-like hisses for some good old-fashioned jeering and “Harvard Sucks” signs this Saturday. Afterwards we can have a spirited debate about what parts of Harvard make it the worst university in the country, complete with gavel of course.
Snapping Has to Go
It pains me to say it, but I don’t think ESPN understands the meaning of snapping in our culture. Hold your soulful finger-play for some spoken word performances. Instead, bring some vuvuzelas to the field and shout your sonnets of devotion for the Yale Defense. May I suggest “Harvard, shall I compare thee to a summer’s wildfire?” or “I took the path of Yale University, and that has made all the difference.”
Properly Learn the Bulldog Fight Song
Remember those tunes we heard once on acceptance day? Well, they are more than just songs meant for waving a napkin. Get someone from the Whiffenpoofs or the Yale Glee Club to teach you how to hold a tune or just get an a cappella friend to stand next to you (we all have at least one) and lip sync with a single tear rolling down your cheek. The cameras won’t be able to stay away.
Storm the Field, Kiss and Tell
We know it will be cold. Last year, almost everyone left after halftime, but make it your priority to storm the field with the hopes of getting your five seconds of fame. When the Bulldogs inevitably win, you need to be there and you need to be the one to lead the charge. After the final buzzer when the Bulldogs crush Harvard, hop that fence and go give the Bulldog quarterback that sloppy, frozen-lipped kiss.