This is the second in a series of articles detailing the various ways in which Harvard sucks. It promises to be a long series.

Perhaps you were one of the approximately 5,430 Yale students who withstood today’s gale-force winds in the hopes of buying a ticket to the Game. Perhaps you were also one of the approximately 13 students who actually got a ticket to the Game after standing in aforementioned gale-force winds. But more likely, you came away empty-handed. Tickets for Saturday’s contest at Harvard sold out by about 3 PM today, by far the most enthusiasm Yale students have ever shown for a sporting event, and many Yalies left the Ray Tompkins Field house frustrated and frostbitten. Did I mention that it was cold? Did I even have to?

Never fear, though. Sure, tickets are almost sold out on Harvard’s website too. But not entirely. According to Harvard’s website, Field Club Seats are still available, and will offer “exclusive access throughout the game to a private, heated tent located adjacent to your reserved seating section in the end zone.  A complimentary brunch buffet will be served, and a cash bar will be available.” And all for the reasonable price of $250! WOW!

This is just exquisitely ironic. I think Harvard sent us too few tickets just to set the scene: While Yalies waiting in line huddled together against the freezing cold, posh Harvard alums doled out the dough to sit in a “private, heated tent;” while the line outside the ticket office stretched from the Field House to Quinnipiac, Harvard snobs got “exclusive access” to their heated tent; and while many Yalies missed lunch in a vain attempt to secure a seat, Harvard fatcats rested easy knowing that a “complimentary brunch buffet will be served.” It’s just too much. Here are a few other scams those heartless crimson bastards might want to try while they’re at it:


  • Instituting grade deflation but then doling out “Field Club A+’s” for just $250/A+! (actually pretty expensive by Harvard standards; we all know a Harvard A+ is worthless.) Includes “exclusive access to graduation.”


  • Admitting a full class of applicants and then opening up “Field Club Admissions” for just $250K/ semester! Includes “exclusive access to Illuminati inner circle and a Harvard tote bag.”


We hope the Cantabs are happy with the racket they’ve got going here. Actually, we hope they are miserable. And given that they go to Harvard, they probably are. It takes a lot more than a brunch buffet to make up for that.