- The Yale Dem
“Here, let me fill out your registration for you…” Almost as ubiquitous as their fliers/ sidewalk drawings encouraging you to vote, the self-proclaimed on-campus upholders of democracy were out in force on Tuesday. Of course your vote matters, they say – it just happens to matter a little more if you vote along liberal lines. It was also probably a good thing you weren’t invited to their results after-parties. Those got sad pretty quickly.
- The Conservative Yalie
He’s just exercising his Yale school spirit by supporting the political party of George Bush (uno and dos). But he forgets that Foley went to our favorite Cambridge Community College and so is unfit to govern. When not doing work for the Buckley Program, writing a weekly column for the News or feeling underrepresented, he likes to remind himself that the biggest dirt on his candidate was the name of Foley’s $5 million yacht: “Odalisque,” which means “concubine” in Turkish. No joke.
- The Secretly Apathetic Yalie
Wonders if she can write-in Peter Salovey or Marvin Chun. Decides on Marvin Chun when she remembers that Salovey is no longer rocking his politician mustache. Wonders if she can grow a Salovey-level moustache while waiting in line. Does cost-benefit analysis on 3-hour lines for same-day registration, but doesn’t want to make the walk of shame back to her residential college and her politically inclined roommates (who are Yale Dems). Does breathing exercises at the 2 hour mark and reminds herself that coffee at Blue State is $1 after voting. Realizes that she is saving money on her coffee at the rate of about 45 cents per hour. Then compares the line to Dante’s Inferno. Finally votes. For Marvin Chun.
- In-It-For-A-Facebook-Post Yalie
His “I Voted” sticker matches his American Apparel outfits originally meant for theme parties. Wonders why he can’t insta-vote. We wonder why he can’t insta-get over himself. It’s KONY 2012 all over again on our newsfeeds, but with less controversy and more ‘Merica.
Cross your fingers that you’re sitting next to this person in the dining hall before and after exercising your civic duty. She might have actually voted without lobbying for her candidate to anyone else. Or she mistook the line for Chipotle (what else could so many people be in line for?) and is still wondering where her burrito is.