Not from New England? Don’t know what snow feels like? No worries! This short guide has all you need to know about living in New Haven during the transition from “cold” to “colder” to “ow…damn it’s cold…ow.” Enjoy.
The Doctor Who: -24°F
This is New Haven’s lowest recorded temperature, measured in 1943. If the thermometer reads -24°, you can safely assume that it is 1943 and you have traveled in time. Congratulations! You might be woefully underdressed for the of the Arctic, but at least you’re wearing a cool bowtie right?
If it’s so cold outside that you’re falling in love with people you just met and have started talking to snowmen, you’re beyond help. My advice: let it go. Embrace your inner Elsa, don a silky gown and wander through the streets of New Haven singing at the top of your lungs. You might not be able to feel your limbs, but the cold never bothered you anyway, right?
“It’s not the temperature, it’s the wind-chill”: 0° F
Stop deluding yourself; when your hair freezes walking to class in the morning, no windbreaker is going to make a difference. Take some advice from Shrek and layer up. That extra sweater your grandmother made you pack at the last minute? Wear it. Mittens aren’t doing their job? Who says socks can’t be worn on your hands? If you can still locate where your bellybutton is underneath all the layers, you’re not wearing enough clothing.
Let it sleet, let it sleet, let it sleet: 32° F
We’ve all felt our hearts skip a beat when we check the weather forecast and see “chance of snow” written underneath some puffy white flakes. This is a nasty trick that meteorologists like to play on an unsuspecting population. At 32 degrees, snow can just as easily turn into sleet, and if it can, it does so 100% of the time. Rain boots are a must in this kind of weather. No amount of radiator-drying will get the muddy stains out of your Uggs, and no amount of eggnog can relieve the disappointment of a false forecast.
The Harvard: 50° F
Just as Harvard professors will give a shoddy piece of work an A+ with garlands, Yale students have low standards when it comes to weather. Fifty might look like a summer day compared to the Hoth-esque ice planet that is New Haven in February, but don’t be fooled. Claiming that 50 degrees is warm is like calling calling Political Science a STEM major. 50 degrees is decidedly sweater weather. Just be sure that when you do put on a sweater, it has a “Y” on it and not an “H.” Because Harvard sweaters all come with garlands, and you do not want to wear garlands.
The Endless Summer?: 65°F +
Nudity is acceptable. Open the windows, break out your flip-flops and bask in the beautiful weather. Don’t get too comfortable, though: winter is always waiting just around the corner.
If you are ever surprised by winter while walking alone, go to the nearest blue light telephone, call Santa, and think about summer vacation until the YPD arrives with hot chocolate.
All GIFs taken from www.giphy.com