Heisenberg? New Haven rabbi Noah Muroff purchased a $150 desk off of Craigslist in September. Yet once he took the desk home, he found a shopping bag with $98,000 of cash inside, according to Tablet Magazine. Muroff gave the money back, explaining “That’s what a Jew is supposed to do.” Wise choice, since the cash is probably blood money from a methamphetamine empire run by a Yale chemistry professor dissatisfied with his academic career.

Starbucks did not make the list. A ranking of the “Top Five places to grab coffee around Yale” from the Yale Admissions Office Tumblr named Jojo’s, Booktrader, Koffee?, Willoughby’s, and Blue State. But where was coffee giant Starbucks on the list? Too corporate? Too mainstream? Not enough literary puns on their menu?

Justified by the dullness of the times. A parody news site has popped up at Cornell — cunooz.com. The fake webpage features articles including “Campus Homosexuals Feel too Welcome by Cornell Community,” “White Guys to Drink in Various Places and Ways” and “Clocktower Plays “Rains of Castamere” Over Chimes — Campus-Wide Panic Ensues.” The paper’s description offers the disclaimer: “We may not be ‘professional,’ ‘accurate’ or ‘recognized by Cornell University.’”

Mumbo jumbo. A USA Today post on established college traditions listed the practice at Yale of rubbing the foot of the James D. Woolsey statue to ensure good luck, “especially for high school prospects that are hoping to be accepted.” It is clear the writer was not a Yalie or else Wednesday night Toad’s would not have been left off the list.

Insert fart joke here. A recent Harvard Crimson column touched upon the art of letting one rip. The writer complained that the seats of Winthrop Library “are crafted in a specific way to suddenly turn hot air into a powerful vibrato.” Ultimately the column presents the humble fart as a metaphor for immaturity in the college setting, but the real lesson is never sit too close to a Harvardian come Game Day.

Gone fishing. For a charity auction, Miya’s Sushi is sending a winner and friends on a fishing trip and subsequent sushi dinner with the seafood they catch. The experience is estimated to cost $3,000. Those without that type of money could always head over to the docks with a stick and a piece of string and then wrap their catch in rice from the Commons stir-fry stations?

This day in Yale history 1980 The Council of Masters gathers and Bladderball is a rumored agenda item.

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