Just in case you haven’t heard, there’s a storm coming. A really, really big storm. Hurricane Sandy is speeding toward New England, where it will hit an early winter storm from the west and a blast of freezing air from the Arctic to form the mother of all bad weather.
According to the Associated Press, “we don’t have any modern precedents” for what this bad boy has in store: It is expected to cause several billion dollars worth of damage, and has already killed at least 48 people.
Yikes! Here are Cross Campus’ best survival tips on making it through with your limbs, your sanity and your Halloween intact:
1) Stock up on food, à la Hurricane Irene (shout out to the girl I saw smuggle a loaf of bread out of the dining hall up her shirt). Because if only one thing closes, you know it will be Durfee’s, and if only one thing sucks about this storm, it will be being trapped inside doing work for the classes that still aren’t canceled, surviving on the three soggy Cheez-Its you found under your bed.
2) While you’re at it, assemble an entire emergency survival kit. I’m talking batteries, water purification tablets, sterile gauze, the works. Don’t forget condoms and a One Direction CD. In times of crisis, it pays to be prepared for anything.
3) New Halloween costume idea: Maine lobsterman. It’s not as witty as a binder full of women, or as alluring as a “sexy” cat/mouse/lion, but at least you’ll make it out your door without looking like you’ve (literally) waded through a hurricane. This is also the most health-friendly of our survival tips! Dig out those waders…
4) If you have classes on Science Hill, take this opportunity to look at your life and look at your choices.
5) “A piece of good news is that the residential colleges should be supplied with power throughout.” Oh good! Because just as every cloud has a silver lining, so should every hurricane have an Arrested Development marathon.
It’s been real, Yale. See you on the other side!