I don’t really know how to pronounce “3LAU,” or why someone would choose that name. He will probably be indistinguishable from the mediocre DJ who came last year. But frankly, I don’t care. The least relevant part of the day is the music. There is only one thing that goes through my mind on Spring Fling: what’s going on. I really don’t know, ever. So, in celebration of having literally no idea what’s going on, I bring you the first transcription of a song that captures everything about this day in April that deserves to be captured. Here is Lady’s “Smashed”:
(Chorus)
Oh patron I’m awn and I’ma drink whatever the hell I want
I’m out my mind so gone and I’ma do this shit all night long
I’m smashed I’m smashed ain’t drunk ain’t tipsy I’m smashed
I’m smashed I’m smashed ain’t drunk ain’t tipsy I’m smashed
She on champagne but it ain’t strong enough
Bartender put some Red Bone in ma cup
That beat that Rémy and that pineapple juice (uh huh)
Bitches loose motherfucker swinging out the room
Don’t care what everybody drank, drank what I want
When I give you that look you know I’m in my zone
Drunk texting spelling everything wrong
I keep drankin’ drank somebody take me home
I’m in the mood for some f*’ tonight
Perverted rhumba, hell pull up the white
I’m leanin’, listen’ how I talk
That gin make ya sin, that Paul make ya ball
Chorus
Don’t f with me when I’m on that drank
If you ain’t sipping then ya ass shouldn’ta came
I’m getting frilly when the liquor start kicking in
Don’t smoke a lot but I’ll take a blunt every now and then
In the hood we ain’t f* with no ace of spades
Ran out of E&J f* it get the Tanqueray
It ain’t cute when you can’t handle your alcohol
Take a couple shots and then I’m feelin’ like my problems solved
Drunk some more I didn’t even know it was rosé
Should I cart with that Daniels or that José
It ain’t a doubt in my mind I’m finna get laid
Give it to me straight b, yup no chase
Chorus
They say that Four Loko make you go loko
One thing that I hate is drinking solo
The room spinning I told him don’t give me no mo’
Even had a couple bottles of that Cisco
Can’t see a thing sippin’ mad dog 20/20
I’m down for whatever told my bitches g’on’ runnin
Drinkin’ beer have ya pissin’ all night
Ain’t drinkin’ what they rap about we drinkin’ what we like
B.Y.O.B bring ya own, bitch,
If you didn’t buy a drank don’t gets none, bitch
Straight to the hair how I like my shots
Get twisted and we gon’ show ‘em what we got
Chorus
-Lady, “Smashed,” from the mixtape “Bout Dat Life”