I don’t really know how to pronounce “3LAU,” or why someone would choose that name. He will probably be indistinguishable from the mediocre DJ who came last year. But frankly, I don’t care. The least relevant part of the day is the music. There is only one thing that goes through my mind on Spring Fling: what’s going on. I really don’t know, ever. So, in celebration of having literally no idea what’s going on, I bring you the first transcription of a song that captures everything about this day in April that deserves to be captured. Here is Lady’s “Smashed”:


Oh patron I’m awn and I’ma drink whatever the hell I want

I’m out my mind so gone and I’ma do this shit all night long

I’m smashed I’m smashed ain’t drunk ain’t tipsy I’m smashed

I’m smashed I’m smashed ain’t drunk ain’t tipsy I’m smashed

She on champagne but it ain’t strong enough

Bartender put some Red Bone in ma cup

That beat that Rémy and that pineapple juice (uh huh)

Bitches loose motherfucker swinging out the room

Don’t care what everybody drank, drank what I want

When I give you that look you know I’m in my zone

Drunk texting spelling everything wrong

I keep drankin’ drank somebody take me home

I’m in the mood for some f*’ tonight

Perverted rhumba, hell pull up the white

I’m leanin’, listen’ how I talk

That gin make ya sin, that Paul make ya ball


Don’t f with me when I’m on that drank

If you ain’t sipping then ya ass shouldn’ta came

I’m getting frilly when the liquor start kicking in

Don’t smoke a lot but I’ll take a blunt every now and then

In the hood we ain’t f* with no ace of spades

Ran out of E&J f* it get the Tanqueray

It ain’t cute when you can’t handle your alcohol

Take a couple shots and then I’m feelin’ like my problems solved

Drunk some more I didn’t even know it was rosé

Should I cart with that Daniels or that José

It ain’t a doubt in my mind I’m finna get laid

Give it to me straight b, yup no chase


They say that Four Loko make you go loko

One thing that I hate is drinking solo

The room spinning I told him don’t give me no mo’

Even had a couple bottles of that Cisco

Can’t see a thing sippin’ mad dog 20/20

I’m down for whatever told my bitches g’on’ runnin

Drinkin’ beer have ya pissin’ all night

Ain’t drinkin’ what they rap about we drinkin’ what we like

B.Y.O.B bring ya own, bitch,

If you didn’t buy a drank don’t gets none, bitch

Straight to the hair how I like my shots

Get twisted and we gon’ show ‘em what we got


-Lady, “Smashed,” from the mixtape “Bout Dat Life”