I’m no foodie, as the below blog post will likely make clear, but I think there’s a way for everyone to cultivate a little corner of the culinary world, a place where they can make their mark. I tend to think of myself as a bit of an expert on Yale Dining’s chicken tenders. Nothing lightens my day quite like the skip my heart takes when I see that those scrumptious deep-fried former animals are scheduled to be served a month from the day I’m checking the menus. Given that the tenders are scheduled to arrive to the warming stations today at 11:30 a.m. sharp, I figured I might share some of my favorite ways to enjoy what are undoubtedly the dining halls’ greatest gifts to mankind.
1.) Chicken tender salad. This classic is perfect for those who want to think they are eating heathy, even as they pair their daily serving of vegetables with a hearty dose of deep-fried cholesterol. The recipe is malleable, but here’s what I do:
Lay down a bed of lettuce, add tomato, onion, and ample ranch dressing before delicately perching your chicken tenders on top. (Buffalo sauce optional, but always appreciated.) Remember, you can eat as much as you want. It’s salad, so it must be healthy!
2.) The imitation wenzel. This one is not for anyone trying to drop a pound, and also highly dependent on the supplies of the respective dining hall. But basically, cut into slices a couple juicy chicken tenders. In a separate bowl, mix together some mayonnaise and hot sauce. Lay the tenders onto a sub roll (substitute a hamburger roll or bread as needed) and dump that sauce right on top. Add some lettuce. Rejoice in the pure, calorie-laden goodness.
3.) The unadorned. I have to say, this is my method of choice. Designed to appeal to my laziness and my desire to fit as many chicken tenders into one sitting as possible, this method requires no added ingredients. (Why waste stomach space on something as silly as lettuce?) Just load a plate full of chicken tenders, ladle on your favorite sauce (I go with the duck sauce usually but ketchup is always a good bet), ignore the judgmental stares as you walk it back to your seat, and then pace yourself. Go back for seconds. Go back for thirds. Just leave some for me.
So that’s pretty much as creative as I can get. I hope I’ve been able to impart some delicious wisdom in preparation for today’s lunch. And remember, just as Tracy Jordan once urged us to “live every week like it’s shark week,” so, too, do I urge you all to live every day like it’s chicken tender day.
Eric Randall is a former News editor and creator of the Facebook group “Live every day like its chicken tender day in the dining hall.”