As of today, Saybrook boasts an 89 percent participation rate in the Senior Class Gift campaign — and it’s only week one of three. Next closest? Stiles, with 53 percent. Pierson is wallowing in the metaphorical mud with 26 percent. I mean, come on guys. In the words of our generation’s greatest sage, Nicki Minaj: “Competition? Why yes, I would love some!”
I know, I know, this is supposed to be a group effort for all of Mother Yale. Fine. Want some advice from the big dogs? Get to work on your drifters now. Remember the “it gets better” campaign? Well, it doesn’t. Not with SCG. In fact, it gets worse. After you hit 80 percent, you’ll be down to the woodwork students in your college — kids who have lived off campus since before you even knew we were allowed to do that, kids who you thought dropped out or transferred eons ago. Nagging your IM all-stars and close friends until they give is one thing, but this… this is another. You’ll perch outside your dining hall entrance, waiting to spring in the unlikely event one of these loners shows up to feed. It’s like whack-a-mole, except when and if you whack one, these moles then give philosophical arguments as to why they won’t donate. Or they whack you back.
We may be just 11 percent from the top, but I guarantee it will take us all of the time we have left to hit triple digits. If you want a shot at topping Saybrook, nail your drifters. Make house calls. Make class calls. Send a singing valentine — but afterwards be sure to get their money.