In a confusing message to students Wednesday morning, James Perlotto, Chief of Student Health and Chief of Athletic Medicine, or, more likely, someone posing as Perlotto, warned students not to throw Four Loko commemoration parties and blamed the caffeinated malt beverage for all our woes.
“These beverages pose serious, unknown health risks, and we urge students not to throw Four Loko commemoration events, remembrance parties, or blackout memorial services,” “Perlotto” wrote in the e-mail.
The message made bold, somewhat-loko claims about the dangers the beverage poses: according to the e-mail, 1,280 million people have already died from drinking Four Loko, drinking a watermelon Four Loko can make a watermelon grow in your stomach and five of four inner-city children were raised by a Four Loko.
The message also warned students against purchasing t-shirts reading “For God, For Country and Four Loko” for $10 in the Thain Family Cafe today from noon to 4 p.m.
Correction: December 8, 2010
An earlier version of this post incorrectly referred to today as Monday rather than Wednesday.