You’re never going to guess what I bought to wear to the Safety Dance, you guys.
No, just try.
A PURPLE SEQUINED MINI-SKIRT AND MATCHING HEADBAND. Yeah, and I want to, like, get some leg-warmers and Chuck Taylors and, like, some fingerless gloves, too. And I’m doing a side-ponytail, I think. I’m definitely going traditional 80’s this year. Like, last year I was glam 80’s and the year before I was punk 80’s and now I just kind of want to do the standard thing, you know? I know, like, EVERYONE does it, but this is different because the mini-skirt is SO COOL. Wait, I MEAN, TOTALLY RADICAL! Get it, you guys?? ‘Cause “totally radical” is TOTALLY a thing they said in the 80’s!!!!
NO, Roseanna, I DON’T think I’m doing that thing where I get too excited about something and then am disappointed because it’s not that fun. This girl wants to “Party All the Time”! Quit being “Twisted Sisters,” you guys! No, you don’t understand! Like, it’s my favorite day of the year. It’s like Christmas for me, but, like, instead of the presents and chestnuts and stuff, it has Billy Joel!! Like, you guys, I didn’t study abroad this semester because I didn’t want to miss the Safety Dance. No, I’m serious.
Oh, and get this: we convinced Prudence to come! Yes! And she said we could make her wear whatever we wanted! Yeah, and we also triple-dog-dared her to hook up with someone, too. Yeah, I KNOW she won’t, you guys. But we’re making her wear a fuchsia, leopard-print leotard with lime green spandex and a purse shaped like a Rubik’s cube. Isn’t that funny?? Ohmigod, did you guys know that Yale had a class that taught you how to solve a Rubik’s cube?? Yeah, I saw it on ‘I Love the 80’s!! I’ve been watching to get ready for this TUBULAR weekend. Tubular! HA!
Wait. You guys. I still can’t believe Michael Jackson died.
COME ON, EILEEN! PUT A SOCK IN IT ABOUT YOUR ORGO MIDTERM! WE NEED TO STRATEGIZE. I wanna get there at, like, 9:30 so we don’t miss that phone number song. Did you know that’s actually a REAL number that people have? So randos call it all the time! I swear they didn’t play it last year, you guys!! But I didn’t really care because I had, like, five drinks and was SO WASTED, you guys! Not as wasted as Hannah, though. Yeah, you guys, she fell down a whole flight of stairs and fractured her tibia! And Adam kept being like, “Oh cool jacket, Lauren. You look ‘Pretty in Pink,’” and I kept being like, “JEEZ, WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS HITTING ON ME?! You’re not gonna ‘Take Me Home Tonight,’ MAN! Face the ‘Facts of Life,’ DUDE!”
GAG ME. WITH A SPOON.
What? SHUT UP, YES-HUH, KAREN. HE DOES SO LIKE ME. IT’S SO ANNOYING. But I TOTALLY won’t make out with him again, you guys! No, I swear! That was just one time. And I mean, it was really nice. But I TOTALLY wouldn’t do it again. Like ever. Like ever, you guys. But what happens at the Safety Dance stays at the Safety Dance!
I wanna make out with, like, four guys at LEAST! With tongue! Ohmigod, I’m such a slut. Ha. But not really, you guys! Right????
Girls just wanna have fu-UN! Right, you guys?
GAH! NOBODY GIVES AN IRAN CONTRA SCANDAL ABOUT YOUR ORGO MIDTERM, EILEEN! When you look back on your college years, are you gonna remember ONE MEASLY ORGO MIDTERM, or are you gonna remember SAFETYDANCETWENTYTEN??!
I just thought of this, but it’s kind of like we’ve gotta fight for our right to PARTY, you guys! Because of the Elevate thing, right? Get it??
Jenny, shut up. I’m just excited, OK? Ohmigod, you guys, they should TOTALLY have the 90’s dance in Commons, too. I WANT IT THAT WAY, AM I RIGHT!?!?!?!?