I, D.J. Bacterium, always spinning the hottest dubstep joints this side of the Atlan-tique, made a surprise appearance in New Haven this weekend. I was heading up from Greenpoint, the Shoreditch of Amerique, to this Bangor, Maine f*ckfest, but my Peugeot 306 hatchback ran out of gas on Elm St in the Have. Rhymin’ with “rave,” I assumed I’d find something in this town to mash on my bones. So I walk into the OBT, which I assumed was the Original Bangers Tavern, expecting dirty womens and grime beats. And the party was called “Delirium,” so they must have the love for DJ Bacterium. Rhythmic Blue and Bhangra wuz on the bill: Whatever DJs they are, I was about to uncover.

But what’s there all these seats doing here? Why these risers, all these cute women sitting all calm like, like they’re waiting for something. Where is the dub? No music going, no one on Molly or Andalusian hashish. Just lots of fluorescent lights. Where are all my underground headz? Sure as hell ain’t FWD>>, my favorite dubstep club in London.

So they cut the lights and four smoking foxes roll out on stage. I respect the writhing silhouettes, and the first track, Santigold’s “Creator,” had that nice wobble and half-time beat. I mean she is from Phila—, and I don’t know any chicks from Quaker prep schools who went to Wesleyan and got that real grime, but hell, it was banging. After, they had a sick bass drop when the lights came down and some new ladies rolled in. But after that, what kind of 4/4 tracks was they playing? This ain’t dubstep, this ain’t dnb, this ain’t grime … some American hip hop dretch. But every once in a while I can get behind it. I recommend Yale students attend this show.

I’m getting an “America’s Best Dance Crew” vibe. Five people roll on stage, do a dance routine to some aight track, and roll off. I’m not gunna lie: I feel Lil’ Mama, but sometimes I get the JC Chasez vibe. They dance sexy and all, but without that wobble and half-time bass syncopation I just can’t get behind them—entirely. Plus, I’m at OBT to grind on nice ladies, not watch other blokes grind on them. And … why do people keep screaming out random names?

And then … we got these Bhangra coeds out on stage. They do this tight (not sure what’s the right adjective?) dance battle with the ABDC kids, dancing around like some vishu-powered grime boys. I want more of them!