Maybe it’s 1:35 PM and you slept straight through brunch in the dining halls. Maybe it’s 3:00 AM and you want the perfect late night snack to satisfy you in your ravenous drunken stupor. Maybe it’s just 5:00 PM and you’re hungry. The paradox surrounding the G-Heav bacon, egg and cheese sandwich is that there is both never a justification to eat it and a justification to eat it at pretty much any time of the day. It’s packed with fat, sodium and empty carbs, yet it occupies that wonderfully liminal “breakfast anytime” region of consciousness.
I typically do not enjoy the bacon, egg and cheese while in a state in which I can evaluate its subtleties, but just about anyone can appreciate its appeal. The sandwich is simple, composed at its basest level of only three ingredients packed with flavor and lovingly placed in a soft white bun. The eggs are fluffy and delicious; the bacon offers the perfect counterbalance with its crunchy, salty punch. The cheese melts the whole thing together into one big mouth fiesta. And on top of all of that, it only costs about three dollars.
Yet for such a seemingly simple snack, the bacon egg and cheese is packed with possibility. The type of cheese you pick, for instance, can completely alter the character of the sandwich. G-Heav is not known for its extensive array of cheeses (it would be interesting to see what a Caseus bacon, egg and cheese would look like, but that’s another story), and I’ve never heard of mozzarella on said sandwich. My point is that you have limited options here, but options nonetheless, and you shouldn’t overlook them. Your late-night enjoyment hinges upon this decision.
Here’s my rundown:
American: What are you, serious? This processed garbage isn’t even a real cheese! Plus, the sandwich is salty enough with the bacon. This one might just send you over the edge, parched, queasy and looking for a drink.
Cheddar: Too sharp in my mind, but I’ve heard people make a case for it. Choosing cheddar for your sandwich turns it into a taste overload in my opinion; it’s too much for me, but I prefer the milder cheeses.
Swiss: Mild and pleasant with a twist, swiss is my number two choice. It’s pleasant without being overwhelming and has a smooth, gooey consistency when melted.
Muenster: My go-to cheese. Muenster takes a backseat to the big show (the love affair between the bacon and the egg). It waits in the wings and swoops in to meld the flavors in your mouth into a crunchy, soft, gooey medley.
Pepper jack: I haven’t had the courage to actually order the bacon, egg and cheese with pepper jack, in part because I don’t like cheddar, but I could see this one being in the cards for you if you want a little zest in your sammy.
But the personalization doesn’t end there. Do you want your sandwich to be perfect for you, or do you just want a sandwich? Put in the extra time to consider possible variations:
Ketchup: Tangy, zesty, and adds a brilliant red to the normally bland palate of the sandwich. I’m not a fan, but give it a shot. Also, keep in mind that when drunk, it may wind up on your chin when you call up that certain special someone for a booty call. It has also been known to ruin a good shirt or two.
Sauteed onions: The perfect amount of sweetness with just a splash of sharp pizzazz, onions are my personal favorite as an accessory. Make sure to take it easy, though. Onions don’t like to share, and they can steal the stage if you’re not careful.
Sriracha: This hot sauce (a.k.a. “cock sauce” due to the rooster on the bottle) is best when squeezed onto the sandwich with every bite. Spicy. Red. Delicious.
Enjoy, and always remember: what does your bacon, egg and cheese say about you?