I’ve probably seen “The Great Muppet Caper” seventy three times. This is a hyperbole, but my point is easily understood:
I fucking love the Muppets.
Everyone does. What could one possibly say to bring them down?
“Oh. Their furry physical appearances and generally happy-go-lucky demeanors really grind my gears.”
Get off your high horse, hypothetical interjector. The Muppets are the purest form of art, inescapably beautiful, funny, poignant, cute. I have even found that I am attracted to women that sort of resemble Muppets: big eyes, round noses, mouths that flap when they talk, a bippity bounce in their step when they walk from place to place, throwing not one but both hands in the air when they are exasperated (sorry, Tessa, but its true, in all the good ways).
AND HERE IS THE BEST PART, DEAR READERS: THE MUPPETS ARE MAKING A COMEBACK! And not in the horrific way the Smurfs are trying to make a comeback (oh how I wish this were a joke — from the makers of Scooby-Doo the Movie and Beverly Hills Chihuahua comes a brand new live-action and CGI film about the Smurfs — I would rather watch blue vomit swirl down a flushing toilet, though, at the end of the day, it’s probably a very similar experience). The Muppets are coming back in style. No crass, crude updates to fit a newer, hipper, looser-jeaned, faster-paced generation.
The same old Kermits and Fozzies and Beakers are strutting their stuff into the modern world, bold as ever. In fact, on YouTube right now, RIGHT NOW, Muppet Studios has its own channel and is releasing new videos every few weeks featuring our beloved cast of characters and their shenanigans
For instance, just this past week, the world was honored with a new video called “Beaker’s Ballad.” What type of creature is Beaker? Who knows. Who cares. But dear God isn’t it fun when that train-whistle shaped tube flaps open his mouth and screeches the whining noises of a drowning cat. Especially in this video where he makes the delightful choice of playing the guitar and singing “Dust in the Wind.” I am not making this up. But it’s not enough for Beaker to merely sing the song; with that classical brand of Muppet self-deprecation, halfway through the video, YouTube comments start popping up on the screen, you know, like when you watch a video and then randomly a speech bubble pops up on the video itself that says “I suck,” as if, hilariously, the main figure of the video was saying that phrase. Well this happens to Beaker. Comments start popping up left and right, filling the screen until the little peach pencil catches on fire and dies. Poor Beaker. Dying at our expense for a coupla laughs.
Of course, comments about this video are far from being this mean:
“Awesomeness. Beaker is awesome!” — warwickstar1
“HAHA that’s hilarious!!!!!!!! MOAR!” — ibi828
And perhaps the most bizarre: “Nice scenery, acting and sound.
BTW dust in the wind is not easy to play on acoustic guitar” — Emailrus
The Muppets live in some golden realm where no one dares to make fun of them. Or perhaps no one can.
This is hardly the case with other YouTube videos. Half the purpose of YouTube isn’t the watching of the videos, but the commenting of the videos afterward. Assuming you and I are similar people, we don’t regularly post “This was a gay video” or “That was ReTaRdEd.” But knowing what people think of the video propels much YouTubing.
And if we make or star in the video ourselves, then these little comments become the Holy Grail of the YouTube experience. It’s like an addiction. What did HotTie67 say about my singing ability in this clip? Does Eiffel65 like my viewpoints on Avatar? I am not pointing fingers, because I absolutely do the same thing.
We need to know what other people think! Why else do we put clips on YouTube? We love to know what random teenage German girls think of the way we look or sing or dance. KEEP THE COMMENTS COMING, PLEASE.
But do you think Muppets could give two shakes about what randos think of their YouTube?
I don’t think Animal has ever said a comprehensible phrase before, but if he could, I imagine it would sound like this:
“FUCK EVERYONE FOR TRYING TO JUDGE ME. I’M AN ANIMAL, DAMMIT, AND I’LL DO WHATEVER I WANT. NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE THINK. DRUM DRUM DRUM.”
That’s the brilliance of the Muppets for me. They just do their thing. Whenever people judge them or bring them down, they always know how to get back up. That’s what I love about these new YouTube videos from the Muppets. Man, they do some crazy silly things, from talking to pumpkins to Gonzo leading a chorus of chickens to Beaker singing “Ode to Joy.” Perfection.
To me, the Muppets and their philosophy can be summed up from The Great Muppet Caper. After Kermit, Fozzy and Gonzo hilariously wind up in London after being thrown off of a plane, they must find a place to stay. “What is your price range?” a helpful British gentleman asks. “Uh … free?” Kermit says. “Ah yes,” the British man nods, “You’re looking for the Happiness Hotel.”
Ah, the Happiness Hotel. A run-down, broken, piece of nothing building filled with Muppets. Would anyone ever want to stay there? Probably not. I mean, the bellboys are literally rats! But in this miserable place, where everyone could complain and whine and moan, everyone has a fucking great time and sings this awesome song about being happy. ’Cause they are the Muppets.
Life is the Happiness Hotel, kids. It’s free, it’s dirty, people will want to bring you down and kick you out, but if you grab a friend and sing along, you’ll never care.
[Cue the Rainbow Connection. Fade out]