The red carpet was on fire Sunday night at the 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards. Ultra-fierce celebrities popped out of limos, with way less-famous dates, organza and umbrellas in tow. You know what I realized? It’s really hard to be fabulous in the rain! But thankfully it didn’t ruin anybody’s weaves or create any, like, wet T-shirts or tit slips or anything.

Not that there wasn’t a lot of tittage going on. Mariah Carey stepped out in a beautiful black dress … that made her look like a hot slutty mess. I mean steaming hot. Girl, this is the Golden Globes, not Freaknik. Just say no to ho!

The worst dressed was Christina Hendricks of “Mad Men.” I love you, Christina – we are like total BFFs. You looked beautiful, I love that you wore a Christian Siriano. Your hair, makeup and jewels were flawless. Flawless, darling! But you are pale as all get out, and some idiot – probably an intern – put you in a peach-toned gown. And it totally washed you out on camera. Let this be a lesson to white people: If you are that pale, DO NOT WEAR HEAD-TO-TOE PEACH!!!

However! There were some great moments. Julia Roberts’s hair was amahzing – I die. I love that she didn’t wear a dress. Chloë Sevigny kept it fierce in a silver Valentino. Her dress was dramatic, and I was praying all along that she didn’t trip on the all the organza! Maggie Gyllenhaal looked stunning, and Zoë Saldana worked it out in purple. And I wanted to unwrap Joseph Gordon Levitt right out of his Prada suit.

The only thing that really pissed me off was that “Avatar” took home best movie… I mean, I guess if you’re that into blue goat people…