Yesterday in my English 120 class, we were browsing the “Stuff White People Like” blog. I’d been living under a rock when this was popular and thus, had never seen it. So, when I returned home, I got to looking at some of the entries, and the one I found most interesting was “Girls with Bangs.”

I mean, I think it’s true. Just look at Zoey Deschanel.

Zoey Deschanel loves cotton, and even if you don’t like Zoey Deschanel (which is practically impossible), you definitely love cotton. Meaning that even if you didn’t mean to, you’ve fallen in love with Zoey Deschanel, and more importantly, bangs. Because nobody works bangs better than Zoey Deschanel. They look so effortless and classy on her.

I wanted to look cool and classy, particularly after seeing “(500) Days of Summer,” and so before coming back to school this year I went ahead and got myself some bangs. My hairstylist was pissed off. He went off on how they wouldn’t look right because my hair was too curly and I’d look like a lion, etc. etc. I wasn’t having any of it and got them anyway. For, like, the first two days they were super hot. Since then, it’s been a downward spiral and at this point I’ve been pushing them back so much that I just look like I have a receding hair line.

In any case, here’s what I think about bangs: They look fabulous on girls with straight hair that isn’t too straight. But they can’t be too long and covering your face. If this happens and you notice it while you’re still in the barber’s chair, don’t get antsy and tell them it looks great then fiddle around with it for the next two days until you have to wash it because your greasy hands messed it up. Try to keep them right at level with your eyebrows. Also, make sure they’re the right thickness. Bangs that are too thin just look awkward.

Oh, and as far as side bangs go, they’re still kind of cute, especially on guys. But in the age of huge non-prescription glasses, it’s time to step it up. Get edgy, get some traditional bangs.