Gridiron glory is so last century. Today, the real battlefield is Google, and the weapon is autocomplete, which attempts to predict your search by proposing commonly used terms to complete your query. The cooler the school, the more flattering the autocomplete.

Below, real Harvard and Yale-themed searches face off in one for the ages. The school with the better autocomplete gets the points. The typed-in portions are in bold; Google took over from there.

First Quarter

harvard is easy

harvard is overrated

harvard is my safety

yale is awesome

yale is better than harvard

yale is not a trade school

Yale 7, Harvard 0

Second Quarter

why are yawns so contagious

why are yankee candles so expensive

why are yale students called eli

what is a cantata

what is a cantaloupe

what is a cantab

Yale 7, Harvard 3


Even Google takes a break for the YPMB.

Third Quarter

harvard sexism

harvard sexist

yale sexuality studies

Yale 14, Harvard 3

Fourth Quarter

bright colored leggings

bright colored skinny jeans

bright college years

ten thousand maniacs

ten thousand men of harvard

Yale 14, Harvard 14

(Sorry, big Natalie Merchant fan)


harvard numbering system

harvard number theory seminar

yale number one


Michael Sloan is a 2002 graduate of Trumbull college. All entries selected with a President William Taft 1878-sized Yale bias.

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