NOT: Frumpy Vegetarianism (AKA Claire’s Corner Copia)

Vegetarianism has come a long way since when it was mostly a lifestyle reserved for those who listened to Ani DiFranco. Claire’s Corner Copia, however, clings to hemp as if it were gold in a recession. The overall ambience is one of a judgmental, iron-deprived vegetarian that parades around as a doting earth mother. Even more unappetizing is the prepared food that sits behind an oddly foggy case, whose “cleaning” probably consists of an occasional wipe with a fair trade cotton cloth, and the surly staff who serves the food with as much enthusiasm as a sweaty lunch lady.

HOT: Fall 2009 TAs (see: Max Rosenberg GRD ’13)

Grad school has historically attracted those who look as if they should be weeded out of the evolutionary pool. You know the look. But has anyone else noticed the fresh crop of hot TAs this semester? One in particular stands out: Max Rosenberg. Blending West Coast chill with East Coast edge, Max can be spotted walking down Chapel Street sporting skinny (but not too skinny) jeans, making cool look effortless. And, he always seems to be surrounded by hot chicks, giving him an air of masculine sensitivity. But best of all, he’s totally oblivious to his cult status at Yale. XOXO

NOT: early ’90s

“This Is How We Do It” has been done. We all hate Starbucks. The proliferation of pseudo-vintage flannel has transformed Edgewood Avenue into a half-baked Scottish tribe. Take this as a call to action to leave behind the memes we’ve so passionately rekindled over the past two years, not to mention discourses of globalization and “the real.” Why can’t we all just get along as post-humans?

HOT: late ’90s

It’s time to embrace those fin-de-siecle embarrassments we so easily forget; among them: techno-paranoia, Dawson’s Creek, Hardt and Negri’s “Empire,” Ally McBeal olive green skirt suits.

NOT: Yellow Fever

The Asian Fetishist has been around for centuries, which speaks of a certain staying power, a classic, you might say. There are many known strands of yellow fever, but the one that is most prevalent is the white-bread boy with undifferentiated East Asian girl. The Asian Fetishist usually, if not exclusively, pursues only Asian women and can be diagnosed by the fact that his past several girlfriends have been of East Asian descent. The sin here is not one of preference, but rather mistaking colonialism for progressive cosmopolitanism.

HOT: Becton Library

Brutalism at its most beige-on-grey: an ideal retreat for the Arts Library diaspora increasingly facing extinction. Take refuge on its synthetic vinyl chaise lounges and indulge in its untouched issues of “I.D.” magazine.

NOT: Arts Library

Never before has Paul Rudolph’s ribbed concrete phallus been more emasculated. What was once a community of shared knowledge (in the ancient Greek sense) now resembles the on-set catering truck for “Gossip Girl”: swarming crowds, shrill giggles, cell phone cameras, hushed conversations about Wednesday night Toad’s. It’s like a postmodern Paris Commune sponsored by Nylon Magazine. Some speculate that the orange carpet creates an excess of visual stimulation, inspiring a kind of pop bohemia.

HOT: “What Recession?”

All this talk of the recession and budget cuts has made every daily activity feel like waiting in a Soviet bread line. It doesn’t do anyone good to be perpetually reminded of deficit, and let’s not forget how gauche it is to talk about money anyway. A better attitude, as Yale icon Ely Kim ART ’10 often says, is “what recession?” We need to take advantage of capitalism while its motor is still running and snap up those factory reject designer goods on credit while we still can. Let’s be thankful for the bounty, just so long it isn’t the one at Claire’s.