Halloween emerged from the deep and haunted minds of the Celtic celebrators of Samhain. The original festivities heralded the coming “Dark Months” of the year. The event was Christianized in the 8th century and, later, people started wearing costumes to scare away evil demons.

On Oct. 31st, 2001, scene trekked into the night, clad in its Austin Powers costume, looking for candy. It wasn’t going to scare anything. It met up with some friends who were, to scene’s surprise, not wearing costumes. Foolish.

No treating was done that night. Just tricking.

At J.C.’s house, Ricky unloaded his backpack.

“Did you jack candy from your mah, Ricky?” scene asked.

“No, you tool. Don’t talk about my mah,” Ricky replied.

“C’mon, what’s in there bro? Is that your costume?” scene inquired.

Ricky didn’t answer. He simply unloaded his backpack filled with Gillette foam shaving cream, a dozen eggs, silly string, toilet paper and a few lighters.

“Silly string? You puss,” J.C. chimed in.

“Whatever man, you want this shaving cream, or do you not want this shaving cream?” Ricky responded.

“I don’t get it.” scene cried.

That night, scene received no candy. It merely walked around throwing toilet paper on trees, eggs at houses and silly string at street signs.

When scene came to college, it thought things would be different. Semi-attractive peers dressed themselves in semi-attractive costumes. But still, no trick-or-treating.

“Yo, we’ve got liquor treating. You drink mad booze,” said Bobby.

“Hey, I ain’t a bozo, pal,” replied scene. “I just want to wear my Austin Powers costume and get some Nutrageous bars!”

“What, you’re not getting any bro?” Bobby inquired.

“No,” scene whimpered.

Perhaps this year will be different. Perhaps Yale will decide that the dark months will only come if charmed with dark chocolate.

More likely than not, though, scene’s Austin Powers costume will be covered in vomit by some inebriated “pussy cat.” Yuck.