In a letter to the News, Colin Adamo ’10 — one of the candidates in the runoff race for Yale College Council Treasurer — endorsed his, um, opponent, Adam Thomas ’12. (Read it after the jump.) Also today, “friends of Colin Adamo” released a YouTube video intended to smear, um, Colin Adamo. If any of this makes sense to you, please let us know immediately.
This is a letter stating my official endorsement of Adam Thomas. I am in no way resigning from this election, but simply endorsing my opponent the qualified, affable, and hard-working Adam Thomas.
People of Yale! I bear a message from the After-World pertaining to this Run-Off for Treasure-Hoarder. I slept fitfully last night, consumed by a strange vision. My dream transported me to the far-off Graznoria, where our forefathers and foremothers’ spirits roam. A bird with glaucous plumage winged its way in front of me. I followed it through fog-cloaked ruins, bestrewn with the skeletons of treasure-seekers past. This place is death, their skinless jaws whispered.
Walls towered over my nude and perspiring frame, as the virescent fowl guided me deeper into the maze. We walked for hours, through a sinuous stone canyon hewed long ago by the pudgy hands of Khason Orcs. We traveled on, beneath the deepest Steam-Tunnels and our yonic caverns of Treasure.
The bird turned a corner and out of my vision. Scrambling to follow it, I passed through a portal and emerged in a tomb that surpassed even Commons in its monumentality, and my footfalls echoed across its smooth marble floors.
A mysterious fire flickered on the far side of the vault, casting light on a set of runes inscribed on the wall. Five incoherent words. The bird slammed into the back of my head, clawing me with its talons; I shouted out in pain and confusion: “I cannot read these runes!”
The bird screeched, a high, thin, ugly screech. Its feathered flesh contorted and, suddenly, it was no longer a bird, but a griffinbeast whose grotesquery sent trembles through my honey-combed bones. It turned back towards me and its weight knocked me to the floor and left my forearms bloodied.
The creature wheeled about a thrice time and dove, about to pierce my chest. I threw up my arms and cried out in terror, but the griffinbeast could not be stopped. I felt its hard viridescent beak touch my left chestnut nipple, and as my skin yielded, a brilliant white flash blinded me and all was black.
When I regained my senses, the griffinbeast was gone and the runes on the wall had revealed themselves. In letters carved by an ancient hand, each one 50 feet tall and 37 feet wide, it read: ADAM THOMAS IS THE FUTURE.
People of Yale, I carry this banner to you today that you might carry out the wishes of these unknown hands in electing Adam Thomas to be your Treasure-Guardian. The higher powers have spoken to me. I, Colin Adamo, loyal Knight of Yale, hereby endorse Adam Thomas for YCC Treasurer.