Who would have guessed that Yale’s biggest story of 2008 — if the number of hits on our Web site is any indicator — would center on an (allegedly) abortifacient-hoarding senior art major?
Indeed, if Aliza Shvarts ’08 is any example, a year in the life of Yale always has its surprises. This year, we have tried to predict them. In the spirit of legendary New York Times columnist William Safire’s annual Office Pool, which Safire describes as “a New Year’s tradition that has become the most excruciating multiple-choice prediction test in world media,” the News presents its first Entryway Pool.
1. New football coach Tom Williams will:
(a) Hand Harvard a shutout of his own, earning him accolades and an immediate place on the short-list to be the next dean of Yale College
(b) Lose to Dartmouth, and everyone else, proving that the graduation of Mike McLeod ’09 and the hiring of a coach who has never coached offense was an astoundingly bad combination
(c) Interview next week for the New York Jets head coaching position and promptly get fired
2. Yale’s planned 13th and 14th residential colleges will:
(a) Be built as scheduled, thanks to the proceeds from the $600 million worth of gold bricks President Levin has stashed in Woodbridge Hall’s basement “just in case”
(b) Be postponed (after all, even the Bass family is not immune to the economic crisis)
(c) Be permanently scuttled after President Levin admits Bernie Madoff was going to bankroll the entire project
3. The $17 billion Yale endowment will:
(a) Stay down about 25 percent for the year, proving David Swensen is mortal like the rest of us
(b) Rebound and post only a single-digit loss, leading the Obama administration to poach Swensen and appoint him the government’s bailout czar
(c) Plunge to $10 billion after Swensen moves to New York, leaving Yale’s Investment Office in chaos, so he can spend his time making more media appearances to promote his most recent book
4. The Yale College Council will:
(a) Finally succeed in convincing the University to adopt Campus Cash system, leading to genuine appreciation by the student body and unprecedented profit margins at Yorkside
(b) Succeed at going a full year without sending any profanity-laced personal e-mails to the entire student body, but little else
(c) Be taken over by members of Yale for Change, who find themselves with nothing better to do
5. The University community will be surprised when:
(a) Elena Kagan recruits Harold Hongju Koh to join the Justice Department
(b) Stanford University designates Peter Salovey the successor to its current president, John Hennessy
(c) Tom Williams selects Jonathan Holloway as his defensive coordinator
Our picks: 1 (a); 2 (b); 3 (a); 4 (b); 5 (b)