By Zach Marks

8:55 p.m. – This is what it all comes down to. This is what separates the men from the boys, the women from the girls, Taber from me. The last five minutes.

I’m here at Rudy’s with YCC President Rebecca Taber and her harem of fine young gentlemen callers she likes to call the Election Committee. I’ll be liveblogging the election returns as they pour in to see whose last-minute text messages and e-mails paid off and didn’t.

8:57 p.m. A pitcher of Blue Moons arrives. The final votes are being tallied. Some races are dangerously close to that run-off/not-run-off border. OMG I just spilled my beer.

8:59 p.m. – Okay. I cleaned up my beer, but my ww key is sticking.

9:00 p.m. – It’s over. Ladies and gentlemen, you have a new YCC President and his name is Richard Tao. Emily Schofield will be serving a second term as VP. Jasper Wang was able to capitalize off his legendary last name to become secretary, and Jon Wu rounds out the e-board, adding yet another title, YCC treasurer, to his already stacked resume. Colin Leatherbury will get a chance to plan another Spring Fling as YSAC chair next year. If he doesn’t get Jay-Z, I’m getting Travis Long to impeach his ass.

9:02 p.m. – Taber and the boys (Aniket Shah, Geoff Buller and Sam Hafer) just stepped out to call the candidates. I want to follow. I have to watch their beer. I’m such a punk.

9:08 p.m. – I get a call from Rich Tao. I’m on the phone with him. He has a question. A serious question, he insists. “Should I call Harrison or wait til he calls me?” I recommend waiting til 9:20 and then doing the honors. I hollered at Taber the minute after I got off the phone with last year’s VP, Steve Engler, and I imagine Harrison and Katrina will be similarly eager to congratulate Rich.

9:16 p.m. – Aniket’s buying frites. He can’t decide what sauces to order. We let this man monitor a YCC election and he can’t pick Samurai on his own. WTF?

9:18 p.m. – Text message from Ryan Russell. “How the hell did I not get invited to Rudy’s? This some bullshit.” Well, Ryan. Because you’re a loser.

9:21 p.m. – Aniket buys me a drank. (To the tune of the T-Pain song.)

9:24 p.m. – Test message from Katrina Landeta: “Tell Rich to answer my calls!! 🙂 Shoutout to my fav blogger.” She gave me a shoutout! She wrote me a smiley! I wish there was an emoticon for those dimples…

9:28 p.m. – Anonymous commenter reminds me there was a UOFC chair race. Congrats Bryan Twarek! BT is the student manager of the Saybrook Dining Hall. He always keeps the granola flowing for carb-fiends like myself. I’m sure he’ll do the same with Yale’s money for student organizations.

9:34 p.m. – Anonymous member election committee’s commenting on the racial makeup of the past few YCC presidents…”Taber, you’re white. Before you, [Steven] Syverud. White. Andrew Cedar. White. Elliot Mogul. White.”

9:35 p.m. – Taber’s switching heads from race to consulting. “The YCC-McKinsey connection is crazy. Cedar, Mogul, Syverud’s VP Marissa Brittenham, me, Zach, Schofield, [VP from a few years ago] Nirupam Sinha…Aniket, would you ever consider selling your soul?” Aniket: “Well…I’m working at Goldman Sachs…”

9:40 p.m. – Wow. I can’t believe I forgot last year’s president, Emery Choi, in that 9:35 post. Hi Emery.

9:41 p.m. – Taber has a question for the populace: “Hot Tomato’s and Toad’s or senior essay?” Discuss.

9:47 p.m. – Zack Abrahamson, YDN’s legit version of me, calls Aniket for quotes. Man, I been had them quotes. Zack, you don’t have shit on this Zach.

9:52 p.m. – Whoops. Wrong Zach. DeWitt.