Associated Press Writer


New Haven, Conn. (AP) — Sex is not a taboo subject at Yale, home to the popular class “Biology of Gender and Sexuality” and Sex Week, one of the nation’s most provocative campus events. And it seems that its randy students are putting what they’re learning to good use.

David Roth, a junior, told The Associated Press on Thursday that he has been forced to sleep on his common room futon three times since Feb. 1, having heard a loud “banging” noise coming from his double room.

Numerous reports have confirmed the account. Yale students, actual Ivy League students, are having sex. In bedrooms.


Bedroom Sanctity Violated

Roth stated that by leaving him in the common room while copulating, his roommate was following a code known as “sexile,” which refers to the habit of “kicking out” one’s roommate to engage in lusty acts.

“Some people put a sock on the door,” he said. Roth stipulated that sexiling has become common at Yale and other Ivy League universities.

New Haven residents have expressed shock at this behavior. “College bedrooms are for studying and sleeping,” Virginia Marks, a local schoolteacher, said.

Sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer, who is teaching at Yale this semester, was not available for comment.

Andy Lear, the student responsible for sexiling David Roth, said he didn’t know what the fuss was about.

Complicating the situation, Lear said, “It’s not like I was wasted and did it on the futon,” revealing that Ivy League students, in addition to having sex, have also begun to consume alcohol.


University To Blame?

Some say the event was a disaster waiting to happen.

New Haven resident John Dennis said that Yale students have had access to free condoms since 1980, through University Health Services and even freshman counselors, seniors who live with first-year students.

“What did they think was going to happen?” he said.

Andy Lear said he was thankful for the University’s free contraception.

“They even have the ribbed ones,” he said.


Administrators Respond to IVY LEAGUE SEX

Facing pressure from concerned citizens, Yale officials have rushed to diffuse sexual tensions.

“We’ve only had three phone calls about it so far,” said Peter Salovey, dean of Yale College. “Two from worried parents and one from the Anti-Sex League of South Dakota.”

Jonathan Holloway, master of Calhoun College, one of Yale’s 12 residential colleges, said he was not worried about the incident.

“Bedrooms are the least of our problems,” he said.

But some suggest that sex has infiltrated seemingly every field of study at this Ivy League university. One professor said that a campus behavioral economics lab, in which monkeys exchange tokens for rewards, recently became the site of the world’s first recorded monkey prostitution.

“When the lab monkeys are paying for sex, you know Yale is really in a state of moral decline,” he said.