The News congratulates its new regular columnists who begin this week:

Jared Malsin: Coalition of the Illing

In his column, Jared Malsin will help diagnose the current state of worldwide social emergency. He will attempt to articulate in the clearest terms the dynamics of the present situation of war, famine, mass exterminations, and the Constitutional crisis in the United States, and suggest a political and ethical response to these calamities. The “war on terrorism” will be a central issue in his column. Alternate Mondays.

Dara Lind: The Divining Rod

Divining rods, traditionally Y-shaped branches, are still used in some places to find underground streams or aquifers. Though scientifically invalid, the practice is a good metaphor for a deeper look at culture in general, and Yale’s culture in particular. The Divining Rod maps out the undercurrents of topical controversies, as well as digging to find the assumptions and motivations that run beneath the ways Yalies see themselves and the world. Alternate Tuesdays.

Patrick Ward: Mightier than the SWard

Patrick’s column will address University operations, policies and principles and will discuss the news of the day from the mundane to the philosophical. Alternate Tuesdays.

Alexandra Schwartz: Here and Now

Despite what certain politicians might have us believe, what must matter to us is not the Kingdom of Heaven, it’s the current world, for better or for worse. This column will address questions of ethics, ideas and responsibility at a time when the standards are less clear than ever — but those who come to read a predictable or repetitious party line will find themselves disappointed. Alternate Wednesdays.

Robert Nelb: The PH Perspective

Open any newspaper and you’ll find a story about public health. Whether it’s AIDS or avian flu, obesity or the uninsured, public health makes headlines. Open any opinion page, however, and you’ll find that editorials about health are noticeably absent. The PH Perspective helps fill this gap by examining local public health issues and offering provocative, science-based solutions. Alternate Thursdays.

Sam Heller: I Die a True American

Sam Heller will approach issues that affect us as Yalies and Americans from a conservative viewpoint. At the same time, he’ll avoid partisan sniping and use reasonable, centrist arguments to win over his readers.

Ha, just kidding. It’ll actually be 600 to 800 words of Sam chanting “USA!” until he rips up his vocal chords like construction paper. While jumping up and down. Shirtless. It’ll be edifying. Alternate Fridays.