Despite all attempts at dissolving into postage stamp-sized nothingness, we’ve all noticed that blinking piece of hardware clogging your inner ear. And worst of all, you must think you’re so damn “L.A.” or trendy or something comparably annoying. And why do you insist on coupling the hands-free with ornate gesticulations and a hot-shot Ari Gold demeanor? To be fair, the sheer crassness of it all nicely complements your Spade bag and Seven jeans, not to mention allowing you to double fist a Smart Water and a Diet Coke — don’t worry, this critique isn’t gender specific.
Post-Spring Break Cornrows
“Ommigod, Mexico was, like, so ridiculously chill! The plane ride was like uber-long, but I brought both my Vogue and Lucky Magazine — I’m, like, really into fashion and its like social implications, right? — so I didn’t get bored. The hotel was really nice (the entire men’s LAX team was next door!) and like the Mexican food was totally amazing. And you wouldn’t believe how totally cheap it was to get these braids! So money, right? I mean, whatever, they don’t really go with my North Face fleece, but whatevs, I mean they’re totally hott.”
The Pink Motorola RAZR
While the girls at your private high school might have fawned over how cute and little your newest cellphone was, chatting before section on a cellphone that appears to be ripped from the celluloid of “Legally Blonde” only reinforces the belief that you’re a spoiled materialistic nitwit. Your cell phone does NOT need to match your Pumas or Prada clutch — and black or gray shouldn’t clash with any outfit — so when daddy asks what phone you’d like, think twice before you go pink.