“I bought a few things,” Neil* says casually, before rattling off a list: “some little vibrators, a few movies, an anal plug, cock rings, wet wild balls — basically, you put those inside a girl, and when she starts to orgasm, they pop out. Yeah, I got those.”

Neil is a solidly-built black man whose braids snake out from one corner of his scalp like arms of a starfish. His voice is soft and musical. He’s worked as a cashier at Nu Haven Books and Video, a sex store in New Haven, Connecticut, for a year; he took the job because he needed money. Since then, he’s enjoyed the job’s perks and endured its pitfalls. One unusual element of the job, he admits, is that it “makes me want to have sex. I really, really want to have sex, all the time. I come here, I see this shit every day, it’s like — damn –” he stares into space for a few seconds. Fortunately, the store’s whole inventory is his for the purchasing.

It’s quite an inventory.

Spending just five minutes in Nu Haven yields some surprises. First off, porn stars are punsters. The “Bisexual” video section boasts titles like “Two Bi Four” — featuring two nude men grabbing the swelling breasts of an impetuous-looking blond — as well as “OK BI ME,” “BI-BI Love,” and “Stand Bi Your Man.”

Some porn stars are classy, adventurous, outward-looking. “Greek Holiday” shows two muscled, grinning men swinging from the ropes of a boat in what looks like a throwback to “Pirates of Penzance” as, behind them, Greek islands rise from a shimmering sea. And on the cover of “Fresh Czech,” a dark-haired young man grins above the slogan: “Hey! It just doesn’t get any fresher than this!”

Some are grand, confident, perhaps a bit deluded: “Even before there was video, there was Swedish Erotica, with millions of volumes sold worldwide for over 20 years,” read each of many volumes of this series. The lascivious grins of the sun-kissed Swedes on the covers match this grandiosity. “Swedish Erotica is the most successful film and video series of all time!”

Those who make vibrators also make metaphors. The packaging for the “Vibrating sausage, for the meat lover in you” boasts a naughty-looking sausage snapping his bowtie. “Perfect recipe for red hot sex!! With spicy cinnamon lube on the side. Mild and tangy / bold and spicy / XXXtra hot!!”

Not just animal impulses but animal imagery hops into view in the vibrator section. There is, of course, the “Ultimate Beaver.” But there is also the “Pink Leopard,” the “Penguin Probe,” the “Sensuous Sparrow.” There are rabbits. The domineering “Mighty Rabbit,” the inviting “Mini Rabbit,” the intergalactic “Orbital Rabbit.” And rabbits’ close relatives, bunnies: the “Hydrobunny,” the “EZ Bend Bunny,” the “Waterproof Thumping Bunny.”

And let’s not forget the nearly biblical “mystic ram.”

Finally, pornographers are astute observers of cultural trends, just as clever and manipulative as the makers of Honey Nut Cheerios and Frosted Flakes. “Nut’n’Honey Hoochey-Hos” is “DNA fortified. Glazed with sticky proteins.” Just beside this film sits “Frosted Facials (of porn) : They’re whooores!”

How far pornography has come since its earliest days. Last spring, archaeologists discovered two 7,200-year-old figurines in the soil of Saxony, writes “The Guardian” in a special report. Researchers named the male figure Adonis von Zschernitz because of his hard-to-miss sexual organs. Then they set out to find a matching female.

“After finding Adonis, we got the team to sieve every speck of soil for a whole month,” says the discoverer, Harald Stauble of the Archaeological Institute of Saxony. “We were well rewarded because we then found fragments of a female figurine of the same size.” He adds, “Adonis is bent forward and the female figure is bent forward even more.”

If these figures were indeed locked in a rock-hard stone-age embrace, which Stauble says is “likely,” they are the first-ever porn stars.

Ever since Adonis von Zschernitz set eyes on his companion, porn has swelled in significance. It was a political and social tool during much of European history: “What better way to draw attention to a corrupt church official or politician than to show him in an erect state, about to have sex with a nun?” points out Marianna Beck, Ph.D., in the online journal “Libido.”

Porn also subverted norms by conveying powerful women who were as intellectually and sexually eager as their male companions. “L’Ecole des Filles” (The Girls’ School) did just that in the 1650s; no one knows who wrote the controversial tract, though it has been linked to Louis XIV’s finance minister, as well as to his mistress, says Beck.

In the twentieth century, the tables turned, and modern writers often consider empowerment irrelevant to porn. Diana Russell, Ph.D. describes porn as “material that combines sex and/or the exposure of genitals with abuse or degradation in a manner that appears to endorse, condone, or encourage such behavior.”

People watch porn anyway, for mixed reasons. 52 percent of respondents to a “Newsweek” poll enjoy porn’s “educational” value, and 61 percent find it entertaining, reports Christopher D. Hunter of the University of Pennsylvania. College students have four reasons to watch erotica, according to a scientific study that Hunter cites rather scientifically: “1. sexual enhancement – related to information and foreplay, 2. diversion – related to escape, relaxation, and entertainment, 3. sexual release – related to fantasizing, and finally 4. substitution, or using pornography as a substitute for sex (i.e. masturbation).”

Others find it just plain funny.

During the course of its history, porn has been political and personal, feminist and misogynist. It is only fitting, then, that Nu Haven is a bundle of contradictions. Puns are the first example. Two-faced terms, they call one thing by another name — a vibrator is neither a sparrow nor a bunny nor a mystic ram. Using these labels disguises what vibrators really are: instruments designed to enhance sexual pleasure. More importantly, puns disguise the shame associated with that pleasure, enabling shoppers to buy all the bunnies they want.

If a pun is a literal contradiction in terms, Nu Haven is figuratively so: a public forum where shoppers pursue private interests, a place where personal space is both honored and violated, where inventory might either help relationships or might feed loneliness, where women are objectified, yet where certain kinds of women receive more attention than they would outside the store’s slatted gray walls. At Nu Haven’s core, of course, is sex: the ultimate contradiction. Everyone likes it, but most find it a little embarrassing — messy in the execution as well as the morality. The contradictions of the store all seem to meet in Neil, who presides over it like a guardian angel, albeit one who must take frequent cigarette breaks.

Neil is the social center of a place where privacy is the rule. Shoppers here peruse slowly, slowly. They lift videos off racks, examine them with pursed lips, replace them, reconsider, pick them up again. They are like women searching for the perfect chenille wrap. A buff blond man in fatigues inspects the “Compilations” videos. A chunky black man in red stands near a petite Hispanic man. The one thing these shoppers have in common is their commitment to avoid glancing at each other. Looking straight ahead is important in Nu Haven. As in men’s bathrooms, each shopper keeps his eyes aligned with the scene unfolding before him. Look at the fellow beside you, or at what he’s looking at, and you’ve violated a sacred rule. Yet customers don’t merely look at Neil; they talk to him. And they don’t merely talk to him; they pour their hearts out.

Neil, with his quiet warmth and habit of offering water to wandering journalists, functions something like a psychologist. “You just see a lot of different personalities,” he explains quietly. “How to put it — people have their own way of thinking. There’s a lot of diversity. A lot of homosexual people. Some bisexual people….Males with wigs, dressed as women, transvestites, transsexuals — everything under the sun — boy-girls, he-shes. I can sit and have a conversation about why they are the way they are — hourlong conversations about sexuality, religion, street life, everything, you know what I’m saying?” The customers’ warmth toward Neil is evident in the way they greet him: “Take care!” “You doin’ okay?” Some confide in him: “Fucked-up slow day.” “What’s up, big dawg?” he asks one hunched black man who sprints into the store. “Good news and bad news,” the client responds quickly. “I’ll tell ya when I get down.” He strides upstairs to the viewing booths, where customers can watch half an hour of pornography for a few quarters.

Nu Haven’s inventory, like so much else about the store, is contradictory, a mix of the playful and the disturbing. Its packaging is, too. The slogans for light videos and vibrators use puns to distract from the sense of shame associated with the products, but it takes more than puns to justify genuinely disturbing purchases: toys designed to inflict pain, for example, or videos that feature rape.

While “Toys” are another contradiction in terms — they seem neither fun nor team-oriented — their packages are free of puns; rather, they are painfully straightforward. “Silver-Beaded Nipple Clamps” are black, rubber-coated pincers with screws for tightening, linked by a metal chain. The “Ball gag” features an illustration showing how the ball fits into a woman’s mouth. And then the restraints. Eleven varieties of restraints. Restraints for ankles, wrists, arms, legs.

Packaging for the “Taboo” brand cockring shows the face of a woman with eyes closed and mouth open. She’s screaming, perhaps in passion, perhaps in pain.

A small dented box all the way to the right says simply, “Metal handcuffs.” This box also features a woman’s face on it, but her expression seems like simple fear.

On the wall beside the toys hangs a sign: “THE CAMERA IS WATCHING YOU CAN YOU PLEASE SMILE THANK YOU.”

If the “toys” are creepy, what about the “doll?” “The Sexational Flyesha Inflatable love doll,” with its “Newly designed Beautiful face,” hangs across the room from the restraints. It offers a checklist like the sort you might find on packaging for gym socks. But rather than “Protects against blisters” and “Wicks away moisture,” this checklist includes:

“Deep open mouth

Fantastic hard nipples

Deep soft pussy

Deep soft anus”

Next to the “doll” hangs a “Perfect blowjob mouth”, designed out of similar material and for a similar purpose. It offers “Great head, anytime and every time.” The packaging features a woman’s face, her lips painted pink and contorted into an expression that lingers somewhere between passion and pain. In the picture, you can’t see her eyes. The product itself is a rubber face, and it has no expression at all. “Feel me,” the package begs. The rubber is pliable, like dead skin.

Most disturbing of all are videos about rape or young girls. Like the “toys,” their packaging is free of puns; yet it features its own claim to legitimacy.

“The Violation of Violet Blue: a Lesbian Gang-Bang” is just what it sounds like. “Uptight goody two shoes Violet Blue wants nothing to do with the hardcore lesbians that hang out at her school, but her life is about to change when she accidentally enters the ‘bad girl bathroom.’ Watch as Violet gets brutally violated by broomsticks, mop handles, and even a toilet plunger — in what could be the most extreme VIOLATION yet! Enjoy!”

How could anyone possibly “enjoy” watching the violation of Violet Blue, uptight goody-two-shoes though she may be?

One might wonder the same of the DVD “Train the Young,” which features a young girl in a pink-and-white checkered dress that’s being lifted by a chunky older man and by a buxom blond wearing only a black bra. On the back of the video, the girl has adopted a more compromised position. She gazes at us with a naughty expression, her pink ruffled socks still on.

These disturbing videos use tactics more serious than puns, explaining away any questionable legality with long strands of legalese. The back of the video reads: “All actresses and actors that appear in any visual depiction of actual sexual conduct with regard to this DVD sleeve are over the age of 18 years. Some of the depictions contained on this DVD sleeve contain only visual depictions of actual sexually explicit conduct made before July 3, 1995, and as such are exempt from the requirements pursuant to TITLE 18, U.S.C. Section L257 + C.F.R. 75 with regard to the remaining depictions of actual sexual conduct contained on this DVD sleeve, the records refined pursuant to Title 18, U.S.C. 2257 and C.F.R. 75 . . .” The disclaimer continues, all numbers and long words, a valiant effort to prove the legality of a film about teaching young girls the ways of sex — whether they seem to like it or not.

“Naughty Little Girls” shows an older man fondling what looks like a preteen girl. “So young, so beautiful and SO NAUGHTY! These not so innocent girls get covered in cum, take on multiple cocks and more!” Some of the cover type is in bright pink and green, reminiscent of the paint trim on the outside of the store. But on the back, the print is tiny and black. “Notice: a panel of independent medical experts specializing in all phases of human sexuality has set forth guidelines for the producer taking into consideration the findings in Muller v. Calif., 413 U.S. 15, and Pope v. Illinois, 481 U.S. 497. Based upon the guidelines formulated by this panel, a qualified psychologist has reviewed the product and determined that when viewed in its entirety the DVD motion picture presents serious scientific value to the average viewer.”

Did these experts specialize in the “phase of human sexuality” known as pedophilia? And how “average” does a viewer need to be to find scientific value in a pornography video?

These long strands of legalese register as desperate attempts to convince viewers that what they want to watch is really okay — according to the video, even a qualified psychologist, of the sort the viewer has occasionally considered seeing, thinks so. We’ve got you covered, viewer, no matter what your sexual orientation, identity, or fetishes.

Neil, the in-house psychologist, has his own astute analysis: “I truly think it comes down to some people that been abused when they were little, or something in that area. Some people, that just get ’em off.” Neil is interested in kids; he hopes to go back to school and become an elementary school teacher. One irony of a gentle cashier’s job must be selling videos about child abuse.

Neil’s attitude toward customers is not simply that of a supportive psychologist. He is, as above, critical of the clients. And while he talks freely with certain customers, making Nu Haven a true “haven” for people who are generally marginalized, he is surprisingly condescending toward others.

“Mexican dudes get cock-pumps and fake vaginas and fake asses and I do believe they take turns,” he says, describing the store’s diverse clientele. “Five to six guys will come in, and they’re talking in their little language and shit, looking at it. Dirty old men buy magazines. The older dudes buy all the magazine and anal toys, and they’ve got the wedding ring on and everything.” He knows they’re gay. How can he tell? “You can pretty much tell. Plus, I’ve got a few informants. The bum-dudes look and tell us. One time I caught a little Mexican dude on a big white guy, no doors or nothing. They don’t care. There could be ejaculation all over the floor. Luckily, we’ve got a janitor. He’s cool about it. He’s just, like, ‘whatever, it’s a job.'”

Sometimes Neil doesn’t have to guess at a client’s sexuality. Sometimes clients make it painfully clear, in encounters that may explain the cashier’s desire to distance himself from customers. “Say a homosexual comes and tries to talk to me. I say I’m straight, but they keep talking. You gotta be forceful when they come at you. But some are relentless. Some even offer money, thousands of dollars. They’ll say, ‘Any time you need some extra money for a car …. ‘ I don’t like it at all …. Sometimes I’m on the verge of flipping out.”

More often, though, Neil maintains casual relationships with customers; and he doesn’t look twice at a man who walks quickly inside, wearing a hood so large it shields both sides of his face. Like horse wearing blinders, this man has no peripheral vision.

If the hooded man did look around, he’d see three other men in the store, all of different racial backgrounds: a small Hispanic man, puffy in his red North Face jacket; a muscular black man who squints at the sex toys; a gangly, pale college student wearing a wool coat and military bag. Yale students occasionally patronize Nu Haven, Neil says: “You can tell a Yale student because they tend to be more educated and talk more educated. Plus, they’re not from around here. So if you see someone with a bookbag and crazy accent, you understand they’re from Yale.” But since the hooded man looked only at the videos, what he saw instead was diversity on the video racks to match the diversity of the clientele.

While some products use puns and others use legalese to legitimize themselves, the “diverse” videos use political-correctness — or try to. Cleopatra, Nikita, China, Nefertiti, Brandy, Selena, and others are members of the “Interracial Lesbian Nation.” This forward-looking endeavor invites viewers to “Rise up, cum together and join the new lesbian interracial nation. Girls of color loving white girls like only women can! It’s the all-new girl generation, it’s the interracial lesbian nation!”

All claims to political-correctness break down on the international shelf. “Banned in Bombay”, parts one through five, features nude Indian women surrounded by psychedelic flowers. They are also wearing bindis — the Hindu sign of marriage. It is unclear whether the filmmakers were aware of its significance. A strikingly similar set of videos lies next to “Banned in Bombay”: “Bombay Babes,” parts one through six. The cover calls: “Welcome to the hot jungle of India! Are you ready to see the hottest and horniest Indian babes directly from the Middle East and ready to fuck? Check out these indian [sic] sluts!” Those who yearn for babes actually hailing from the Middle East need look no further than “Banned in Baghdad,” just beside “Bombay Babes.” All four parts feature women who “are used to totally covering their face and body because of their religion or country regime. Now it’s time to take it all off! You have never before seen such horny Arab Sluts. ‘Banned in Baghdad’ will show you what women are like after many yeers [sic] of lonelyness [sic].” Playhouse Magazine adds: “Banned in Baghdad” is a real juicy taste of freedom.” The Baghdad cityscape lurks behind the women on the covers. It looks strangely fake, as though it’s made of tin.

A juicy taste of freedom may be what the maker of “Black Cheerleader” had in mind when he tattooed an image of Africa on the buttock of his star. He probably did not mean to recall the days when African slaves were literally branded to signify that they belonged to their owners; when one’s identity as an African was its own kind of brand, a permanent sign of vulnerability. The film whose cover screams “I want a big black dick in my little white hole” refers more obviously to the history of African subjugation: “She’s got jungle fever down below. Nasty to da bone.”

The star of “Ghetto tits: the biggest black boobs” holds out her breasts like a gift. She smiles with genuine surprise, as though she’s amazed she possesses something so big and beautiful, and is even more amazed that she can give it to you, the viewer.

These videos marginalize the marginalized, reducing minorities and foreigners to sex objects. Yet black men buy “Ghetto tits” and “Black Cheerleader”, seemingly endorsing marginalization of their own group. Simply by walking into Nu Haven — haven for the lonely, the horny, and sometimes the depraved — they marginalize themselves. Yet Nu Haven is also a place where those who are ignored by society can walk inside and feel welcome. Thanks to Neil, they can even confide in someone. Nu Haven offers space to everyone, and offers everyone his space. It is a place where men who might generally conceal their taste for porn can openly peruse shelves of foreign porn and fat-woman porn and black porn and Baghdad porn — without the risk of being noticed. And it is a place where not just marginalized people but marginalized objects of sexual attention find a home. In perhaps the strangest contradiction of all, the films both display a disturbingly casual attitude toward underage and forced sexual encounters and accept women who might be ignored by the mainstream. In Nu Haven, there is room for overweight women: “More rolls than a bakery,” one video proclaims. Older women are still attractive; an entire category of videos is euphemistically dubbed “Mature Women.” “Mature Kink: Perfection takes time” features older, full-bodied ladies strutting in bikinis. “A benchmark of quality throughout the years,” the video calls itself. Pregnant women, too, remain sources of great sexual interest. “Ready to drop: Mama mia!” shows ladies lovingly stroking their swelling bellies, one with an animated stork perched on her head. Even though these videos, like the pedophiliac ones, focus largely on women as sex objects, they also display a far more general and generous interest in different types of women than do many men who avoid porn stores.

Strange though this appreciation may be, it should not entirely surprise: Nu Haven is a place of contradictions, where packaging says one thing but means another; where inventory is playful and disturbing; where clientele is black and white and Hispanic and rich and poor. It is a place where borderline illegal products insist on their own legality; where politically incorrect products insist on their political correctness; and where customers insist on privacy, yet confide in Neil, who is perhaps the greatest contradiction of them all. It is a place whose meaning, like mercury, slides out of reach — perhaps because the store is, simply, complicated. Human urges in their most shameful and honest are written on the walls of Nu Haven, and not even advertisement campaigns are as contradictory as people.

*Name has been changed to protect privacy.