It’s the end of our indomitable, oppressive reign — which means that it’s time to let you in, dear reader, on a few things you didn’t know about us. Things can get dramatic.
1. For starters: scene has its own room at the YDN. We really do. The isolation is useful for (a) hooking up, (b) firing columnists and (c) Claire’s ongoing conversations about sex. But it’s not heaven: Even when you slam the door shut, there are still huge, gaping holes in the wall.
2. We have our own ice bucket. Actually it’s a sand bucket. But it keeps Susan’s Grey Goose chilled. (Have you seen that ad that calls designated drivers for Grey Goose-drinkers “chauffeurs”? That’s just rude. Which Suze is not).
3. We have a mouse that our girl-editors chase. Because Sports’ Joshua Lotstein was too busy screaming.
4. scene: Honorably STD free since 2003.
5. The YDN’s twin managing editors love prison porn. They play “ookie cookie” with Editor in Chief Jake L.
6. There’s heartbreak. Everybody hurts sometimes, but some ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends send us care packages.
7. There’s unrequited love. Susan burns for Carl Williott. (See her bio. Seriously, they should date.)
8. Lovers dropped by the wayside. Forty, Butler, Syverud, Youngstrom, Marberg, Hinson and especially Brian Murray. Like Alice Deejay asked in 1999: Do you think you’re better off alone?
9. We listened to music: The Kinks. Jay-Z (with the Roots). The New Pornographers. New/old Kanye. Journey.
10. Claire’s lusts for a certain Jacob L. (No, that’s too obvious: How about J. Leibs?) She got his pants off during special issues, but it’s been downhill from there. Maybe it’s because his girlfriend is adorable. Or that he’s unwilling to ruin a professional relationship. One thing’s for certain: she cries herself to sleep every night.