We scene editors, that is, Zander and Steve, have different ideas about fashion. The Lifestyle Editor, Liz “Ass Candy” Gunnison, also has different ideas, but she “knows a lot about fashion” in a formal sense, so she has a lot of say. And she is a sweet piece of candy. We know. But that is neither here nor there. Here is where we, that is Zander and Steve differ:

Zander: Lemmings of the world unite! It’s that time of the year again where people who read fashion magazines tell you what to wear, because it’s hip in Paris. A few thoughts:

1. Anything that is a Do in our section is now of course immediately a Don’t. The next guy who wears cuffed pants to a party will not only be made fun of because he is wearing cuffed pants, but because he is doing what the Yale Daily News told him was fashionable. Also, as someone who actually happens to actually be French, I can say that the people who cuff their pants and wear boat shoes are the butt of all jokes by everyone else in the country. My fashion advice is to stay away from what those kids are doing. Stay far, far away.

2. Really, following fashion trends is like a combination of being a cocaine addict and a member of a lynch mob. Mindless and without individuality, you not only do what everyone else is doing, but you wake up one day and you have $600 less than when you went to bed. No, you haven’t spent it all on powdering your nose, you’ve spent it on a pair of rubber boots that have the word “Pink” on them. It’s actually worse than being a cocaine addict because the money hasn’t gone up your nose, it’s gone up the nose of some snooty Italian designer who dresses like a pirate and wears eye shadow.

3. You want fashion tips? Look at what the designers are wearing. Funny how they aren’t wearing what we are telling you to wear. When was the last time John Galliano wore boat shoes? When was the last time Alexander McQueen showed up at an event without smoky eyes? These guys don’t wear cuffed jeans. They don’t even wear jeans. They dress like pirates and wear eye shadow.

3b. You want fashion tips? Here’s the most important one — the brutal, honest, harsh truth about fashion: If you are attractive, and you wear clothes that don’t make you physically look unattractive, you will be fashionable. If you are unattractive, well, let’s just say that you can dress Nutrasweet up in fancy plastic baggies, and make nice little lines of it on a beautiful mirror, but you are still going to look like an idiot when you put it in your nose.

So to sum up, I, Zander, have nothing to do with the fashion opinions expressed in this section.

Steve: Zander, for once in our two-semester tenure, you have a valid point. Following Paris trends to the tee is for lemmings. It’s not time to wear what those people in Paris are telling you to wear. It’s time use their example to make a fashion statement of your own. Just as teachers provide the us with the tools of self-actualization, so too do designers guide us. A few thoughts:

1. Zander, yes you are French. No one would ever dream of denying you your wonderful culture. However, you do have men named Marie. One bad cultural choice can only be indicative of large, more pervasive problems. French judgment on American leisure style is therefore of no relevance. Stick to the cuffed pants — they add an extra touch to an already well-planned outfit.

2. Fashion is an addiction and it’s better than the purest coke or most motivating mob. Coke can make you bleed. Mobs can, well, make you bleed. Fashion fills you with something. There is nothing better than going out and knowing you look good. Maybe this sensation has eluded you. Gettin’ the girl in your favorite shirt. Nailing the interview in your best suit. Clothing is addictive and it’s a one time usage fee. Not like coke. They charge me every time I go back. My shirt, it’s mine for good.

3. You want fashion tips? Look at what the designers are wearing. It’s great they aren’t telling us to wear what they wear. Karl Lagerfeld has a Spanish fan permanently attached to his hand. I don’t need a fan. I’m not a Spanish maiden. I’m a fire fighter. I’m not hot. Right. The point is, he has something that defines. You should have that something, too.

3b. You want fashion tips? Here’s the most important one — the brutal honest truth about fashion: if you like the way you look in what you wear, you’re better off than any runway model. Unless you wear carpenter pants. No one can feel good in those. What is pleasurable about having your keys or wallet repeatedly knock against your knees while you walk? Nothing. And when was the last time you needed a hammer hook? Drawing a blank? Don’t carry a hammer, just get that way.

So to sum it up, I, Steve, do have something to do with the fashion in this issue. Take it as you will. Today, when you see me on campus, I’ll have a slight bounce in my step. Why? I’m proud of scene.

We dun good. And if you don’t like it, I’ll beat you with the hammer I keep in my European carry-all.