6:00 a.m. — Alarm. Sake bombing the night before not best choice. No time to waste, though. I’ve only got two hours to transform myself from normal college student to bizarre and slutty “Real World” cast member material.

7:50 a.m. — Mini-skirt and go-go boots, check. Big hair and enough make-up to be mistaken for Tammy Faye Baker’s twin, check. Watch out MTV, this Yalie is ready to blow you away!

7:55 a.m. — A bit colder than I realized. Actually, ridiculously freezing. Reevaluate outfit and decide that turtleneck and pants is actually much sexier.

8:10 a.m. — Reach the line for the auditions. Rather, I am at the back of crazed horde larger than middle schoolers at an ‘NSync concert. As I wait, I hear some people came yesterday and spent the night on the pavement with sleeping bags and pillows. Ê

8:15 a.m. — I meet Tiffany and Keri Lynn from Quinnipiac. They are disgustingly perky for 8 a.m. on a Saturday. Both claim to have wanted to be on the “Real World” since birth.Ê”I just know that it’s meant to be, ya know?” says Tiffany. “I mean, I’ve seen every episode of every season, and like, I am so much cuter than those girls anyway.ÊI don’t know what I’m gonna do if I don’t make it. This is like, my life.”

8:45 a.m. — I can no longer feel my legs. It is officially Siberian temperatures, and the line has moved all of three feet in thirty minutes. Shantal, a clothing store manager from upstate New York, informs me that this is nothing compared to the “Real World” auditions in Manhattan. Ê”I got there at 10 a.m., and I waited in line until 5 p.m.”Ê”It took that long for you to audition?” I ask, suddenly feeling nauseous. “No,” she says, “At 5, I just got tired of waiting and left.” Ê

9:13 a.m. — Keri Lynn returns with Dunkin’ Donuts coffee for all of us.ÊMy fears of freezing to death wearing a tacky outfit on a bad hair day begin to dissipate. When I ask her reasons for trying out, Keri Lynn replies, passionately, “I want to prove that you can be a girl on the “Real World” and not be a slut.ÊI mean, if I get picked, I’m not sleeping with anyone. At least not on camera.”

10:20 a.m. — Things are starting to pick up. The line has moved at least ten more feet, and MTV staffers pass out a questionnaire for us to fill out.Ê”What is your most embarrassing moment?” Well, there was that time in the library– “What would someone who knows you say are your three best qualities?” That’s easy: static-free, remembers medication and brakes for animals. “What would someone who knows you say are your three worst qualities?” I can’t decide, so I call my friend Jenny but she doesn’t pick up. Honestly, who’s asleep at 10 on a Saturday morning?ÊI just put down three of the worst things I can think of: Republican, Justin Timberlake fan, and member of the National Rifle Association.

12:05 p.m. — At the front of the line, I hand in my questionnaire to the scary-looking security guy and walk up the stairs, prepared to dazzle MTV with my “Real World” potential.ÊInstead, I hear a loud bass beat. ÊDid I accidentally enter the “American Idol” auditions?ÊNo, apparently I waited three hours to get inside and wait some more. In a quasi-club setting, lights are flashing and music is playing while all of us wait for our numbers to be called.

12:45 p.m. — People are dancing and the liquor is flowing. Score, two dollar Coronas! Wait – it’s Saturday afternoon. Ê

1:35 p.m. — Finally, my number is called!ÊI stand in a group of ten and we walk down the black lit stairs. I am suddenly conscious of the lint on my chic black outfit, which seems glaringly obvious in the black light.ÊKeri Lynn reassures me, “Your teeth look really white.” Ê

1:45 p.m. — An MTV staffer opens the door and tells us to gather around one of the two “discussion tables” they have set up for auditions.ÊJill, our discussion leader, introduces herself and explains the procedure. She will give us a choice of topics to discuss as a group. We should try to show as much of our personality as possible. Ê

1:47 p.m. — We vote for “Cheating in relationships.” The discussion is intense.ÊGirls talk about how their boyfriends left them for their best friends, cousins and sisters (I am not joking here, one girl actually said this).ÊThere is only one guy in our group, and he claims never to have cheated.ÊShantal looks at him contemptuously, “Yeah, well you will.”

2:00 p.m. — We are each asked to say three words that describe why we should be on the “Real World.” Mine are consumer, market and economy. Jill doesn’t seem amused.

2:05 p.m. –ÊThe end of my “Real World” day. I tearfully say good-bye to Shantal, Tiffany and Keri Lynn and wish them luck. I know that I probably won’t get called to be a finalist, but in my heart at least I know that for one day, I got to stop being polite and start being “real.”

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