My girlfriend decided to go abroad next semester. She wants to stay together, but an ocean apart is hard. What do I do? Find another a-broad?
“Find another a-broad?” Was that a joke? If so, I weep for you.
Moving on: you’re absolutely right, long distance relationships are hard. I’m not even talking oceans here; I’ve seen very loving couplings end as a result of the distance between Berkeley College’s north and south courts alone.
But if that’s not warning enough for you, there are many factors to consider when deciding whether or not to stay together. The first, naturally, is how long you will have to stay celibate (Of course, the real first is whether you will actually remain celibate, but I’m giving you the benefit of the moral doubt). I mean, are we talking a semester here, or a whole year? ‘Cause if the answer is a year, you’re either dating an editor for Penthouse Letters or you’re suffering from a severe case of wishful thinking.
You also need to ask yourself why she’s so willing to cross the Atlantic and leave you behind in beautiful New Haven. If she’s going to “find herself,” than she certainly hasn’t found herself with you. My recommendation is to send her packing, but don’t forget to have a long and intimate going away party first.
But wait, I feel like I’m leaving something out — oh right, love! Did I forget to mention love? Well, if you love her, than by all means stay with her; in that case she’ll probably bring you a nice souvenir, and I’m sure her new European boyfriend will very lovingly help her pick it out, too.
To trim or not to trim, that is the question.
To start, I’m going to assume you’re a guy, because a woman asking this question needs more than just advice, she needs to choose a sexual preference (not that I’m against the whole granola thing; really, it’s quite quaint).
That being said, the answer is not very easy. You see, different people prefer different things. I have a friend who can’t get enough of body hair. That being a concept I have never really understood, my thought process is that if someone doesn’t mind you looking like you’re wearing an Astroturf bodysuit when naked, then some extra grass down there might actually be appreciated.
Then again, there are some who would say otherwise. I know many people who trim; hell, I know people who shave or even Nair their nether-regions. For some reason, the thought of slathering my privates with a product created to kill living hair makes me a bit uncomfortable, but maybe that’s just me. If they keep doing it, they must not be getting any complaints or they’re just not getting any. Either way, I’m of the opinion that if there should be hair in a certain place, it’s rather strange when there isn’t (and of course, vice-versa).
So trimming seems to be the ideal, not to mention a certain level of courtesy is involved as well. I’ve heard many a man complain about a girl who doesn’t maintain, so why shouldn’t the same be true on the opposite end. After all, when you’re being kind enough to provide oral pleasure, it’s never pleasant to catch a stray hair in your mouth. Or at least so I’ve been told.
Matt Horowitz is available for birthdays and weddings.