Outside Commons, a cappella singers are madly selling tickets. Flyers litter the floor advertising everything from the Purple Crayon to Slifka brunch to esoteric lectures. You guessed it, it’s that time of year again: Parents’ Weekend is upon us. After madly cleaning up your room (and your life — see cover story), follow the scene guide to keeping your parents too busy to ask you about your grades.
2 p.m. (LC 102) John Hollander, the renowned poet and Sterling Professor Emeritus of English, delivers a lecture, enticingly entitled “Poets and Spies.”
3 p.m. (LC 102) Jonathan Spence, Yale’s very own Sean Connery doppelganger, speaks on 17th-century China.
3:30 p.m. (Yale University Art Gallery) Student guides lead tours of the gallery’s art collection. Check it out, because most of the gallery will likely be closed this time next year.
5 p.m. (Harkness Tower) An hour-long concert by the Yale University Guild of Carillonneurs. They ring the bells. You stand on Old Campus.
6 p.m. Dinner. You can pay Yale Dining Services $10.95 for pepperoni pizza and a frijole tortilla (for real — that’s what’s for dinner). Or your parents can take you out to a restaurant. Let’s hope you made reservations. If not, there’s always the salad bar at Gourmet Heaven.
8 p.m. (Battell Chapel) The Bluedogs, Yale’s newest undergraduate a cappella group, sing from their extensive and eclectic repetoire. $4 for students and $6 for adults.
8:30 p.m. (Battell Chapel) Two of Yale’s most prestigious singing groups — the Whiffenpoofs and Whim ‘n Rhythm — take the stage. $10 for students and $20 for adults.
9 a.m. Breakfast. Give your parents a hearty, greasy breakfast and hope they’ll have to take a nap so you can crawl back into bed. Try fried donuts at Yankee Doodle (Elm Street) or the incredible breakfast deal at Copper Kitchen (Chapel Street)
All Day (Derby, Conn.) While the rest of Yale athletics travels to Dartmouth, Yale crew squares off against local rivals on the Housatonic River. Watch the lightweights — the defending national champions — square off against a half-dozen high school boats. The poor little tykes.
10 a.m. (Woolsey Hall) Richard Brodhead, dean of Yale College, moderates a discussion called “Education at Yale College.” To give Dad one more chance to humiliate you, there will be a question and answer period afterward.
11 a.m. (LC 101) A poetry reading by J.D. McClatchy, sponsored by the Yale Literary Magazine, to be followed by refreshments. Students pay $6, adults pay $10.
12 p.m. Lunch. For quick eats, try Rainbow Cafe (on Chapel Street — don’t miss the giant cookies), Clark’s (on Whitney Avenue) or Sweet Relief (on Audubon Street). Wash it all down with ice cream from the Chapel Sweet Shoppe or Ashley’s (York Street).
1:30 p.m. (WLH 201) Catch UNITY, Yale’s Korean Traditional Drum and Dance Group, in an exciting (and free) performance.
4:30 p.m. (Masters’ houses) Let your parents hobnob with your college master and marvel at the cute finger sandwiches.
6 p.m. Dinner. Another chance for you to milk your parents’ wallets and escape the dining hall. Try to join your roommates and their parents, and watch the parents argue for the bill.
8 p.m. (Branford College common room; New Theater) Ease parent-child tension with an improv comedy session courtesy of the Purple Crayon or head over to Chapel Street for the Dramat Ex farce “Habeas Corpus.”
11 p.m. (Davenport College dining hall) If your parents are still up, settle them down with the sweet sounds of Shades. $4 in advance, $5 at the door.
11 a.m. (Residential colleges) Have at least one meal in your college. Brunch is the best meal any time of year, so on Parents’ Weekend, you just can’t go wrong with it.
1 a.m. (Peabody Museum) For a last hurrah, exit the ivory tower and head to the Peabody for a 45-minute tour of the museum’s highlights, including the awe-inspiring Hall of Dinosaurs, cool to kindergarteners and everyone else too.
3 p.m. Bid your parents farewell at the official end of Parents’ Weekend.
–Yale Daily News