Stephen: Tall stack toppled

February 25, 2011
A Dramatic Interpretation of the Financial Crisis as Written by an English Major in the Writing Concentration Who Took Galaxies & the Universe and First Order Logic for His QR’s Three grizzled men are hunched over, playing poker on a dimly lit table in a smoky room, eyes shaded by green visors. FREDDIE MAC and »

Stephen: The opposite of paralipsis

January 14, 2011
After four years of faithful service, my computer is finally fucked. It shuts off for no apparent reason, its keyboard cuts out mid-paper (or mid-Gchat), and its battery is physically expanding like a pimple waiting to pop. Most infuriating, however, is its ticking time bomb of a mouse. Jumping and pointing and clicking at random, »

A scene for WEEKEND

September 24, 2010
Glenn Becks’s grandiose office overlooking the Manhattan skyline at Fox News HQ. Beck sits at his massive desk and waters his fake plants. BECK I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. Enter PRESIDENT THOMAS JEFFERSON. JEFFERSON (entering urgently) Pardon me, are you Beck? BECK (standing) WHA- WHA- ARE YOU- OH, »

High altitudes, low testosterone

February 26, 2010
Last week, I went to UHS to pick up a prescription. The cheery man behind the counter handed me the bag containing my pills — anti-altitude sickness medication for my spring break trip to Colorado — and asked if I needed a pill-splitter, as I was required to take the medication in half-pill doses. Before »

Stephen: King of Krazytown

September 25, 2009
Tuesday night at the Yale Political Union, I had the pleasure of hearing certified batshit crazy person Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson spew unadulterated nonsense. Sheer stupidity cascaded out of that man’s mouth; it was like watching a headless chicken run around in circles vomiting out racist, self-loathing bile, if that chicken was a black neoconservative »

Bootleg? More like w00tleg

August 28, 2009
This summer, I got a new goomah. It started out simple, a brief flirtation. I found my dad’s unopened box set of Season 1 of “The Sopranos” in the closet. After an episode or two, I started to like this little show. Hell, I started to like it a lot. Things got very serious very »

Stephen: Cutz for Kidz

April 24, 2009
A few weeks ago, I got a haircut. It was remarkably bad. Approaching this unnamed barbershop — let’s call it Shmil’s (the one on Shmall Street, not the one on Shmroadway) — I was pretty damn nervous. There’s something very personal about haircuts, at least to me. That may be in part due to the »

The ‘Turkey’ does not exist

The night before the world premier of “Cold Turkey,” the now infamous original three-man play by Ethan Kuperberg, Matthew George and Will Stephen, premiered, the naughty cast decided to play a hilarious prank on some of their closest friends and allies. They told these poor souls that their show was canceled just to see what »

Stephen: WordArt and porn

January 30, 2009
I’m willing to say that it’s a fact: Every day at Yale, someone’s cell phone goes off during class. That’s fine, it happens to all of us at some point. What boggles my mind is that nine times out of 10, the person a) has their cell phone in their bag, rather than perhaps in »

Esk Economy Eric

January 16, 2009
Dear Economy Eric, Help! The economic crisis has hit, and hit me hard! I’ve lost my job, my house is getting foreclosed and my twin daughters are starting college in the fall. My newborn child is currently nestled in a bed of soft straw in our mailbox. I’d ask my wife to help me, but »

Stephen: raczist169: i h8 gud

January 16, 2009
Hats off to you, smally52297. Because four months ago, when the presidency was still a bit too slippery to pin down, you got it right: “obama prob gona win ow after his speach” [sic]. Your forum of choice? A comment on a YouTube video. Which video? Why, the mind-boggling video of white guy Mitt Romney »

Prez candid8s go hed2hed

October 31, 2008
The following is a transcript from last night’s widely unpublicized fourth presidential debate. As a response to the impending digital age and in order to connect with young voters, it was held in a Public AOL Chatroom. Thursday 10-30-08 8:01:00 EST BrokAwesome: Good evening from all of us here at AOL > ChatForum > Interests »