Yalies Are . . .
For the past four years of my time at Yale, I’ve searched endlessly for a way to categorize the typical Yale student, to define what makes us tick, what we look like, how we act, who we are. Op-eds in the past have attempted, but all have failed. But now that I am on the edge of graduation, I am in a position to tell you the secret.
A Desire to Be Heard
If you ever want your mind bent, try going through your Facebook history. If you don’t have a Facebook account, good job on getting into heaven.
A Harvard Glossary to Guide Your WKND
When you’re at Harvard this weekend, you might notice the students there using unfamiliar language. Well, I’m here to help! I reached out to my good friend Chas Paddington, who is a senior at Harvard, and he provided us with a glossary.
Today is my birthday. Happy birthday, me! Today I turn 22, which is old enough to feel ancient when walking by Yale’s newest batch of 17-year-old freshmen, but young enough for older folks to think it’s ridiculous that I feel old at 22. It’s also the perfect age to make Taylor Swift references, but that song came out two years ago. Twenty-two is too high for Blackjack (that’s twenty-one), too low for a conspiracy theory that inspired a poorly-received Jim Carrey thriller (that’s twenty-three). 22 is aesthetically appealing: two twos sitting nicely and neatly next to each other. But that’s about it.
I watched a movie during Spring Break. This is a significant fact, because I never watch movies. Tell me the title of a movie, and I guarantee you I haven’t seen it. The Godfather? Nope. Star Wars? Bits and pieces. Shawshank? Uh-uh. Frozen? What’s that? I have seen fewer movies than all of the people »
Unwanted Thoughts Syndrome
“You ever have a really dark thought?” asks comedian Maria Bamford on her live album Unwanted Thoughts Syndrome. “Like, ‘What if I licked a urinal? Augh! Why did I even think of that? What if I’m a urinal licker? What if I’m out of control?’” Bamford exaggerates the example for comedic effect, but the answer to that first question for me is always “yes.”
Re: My Term Paper Grade
The other day, I learned that I had gotten an F on a final paper for my political science seminar, “Yale After 1845.” My thesis was, “Harvard is better than Yale.” I emailed my TA and asked her to explain the failing grade. This was her response:
How to March
On Monday, I found out that I had failed one of my midterms. Not like, “Oh, damn, probably got a B-” failure. Like straight-up, forty-six out of one hundred points failure. I slunk off to lunch; the Berkeley Mac and Cheese I love tasted less exciting than usual. Three hours later, I found out that the dean of Calhoun College, my dean, Leslie Woodard, passed away unexpectedly. Four hours later, I stood in the Calhoun courtyard, shoulders hunched, holding a white candle that had been poked through a paper cup.
The Miley Interview She Doesn’t Want You To Read
I had the, um, privilege to talk with Miley Cyrus backstage after her provocative MTV Video Music Awards performance. She didn’t really answer any of my questions and left a big welt on my forehead (more on that later).
Understanding Suzy Lee Weiss’ Anger
Two weeks ago, the Wall Street Journal published an op-ed by Suzy Lee Weiss, a high school senior who had received the short end of the college admissions stick.