Melancholy Molly reflects on time’s passing

September 19, 2008 • 0
Amusement parks showcase a cross section of humanity that I really like. I like tube tops, fanny packs cinching stomachs, the constant input of food and the output — meaty splat (RIP DFW) — birds snatching crumbs, boyfriends clutching girlfriends, sunburned good old boys. My dad and I totally fit in the Kentucky amusement park »

How was my summer, you ask

September 5, 2008 • 1
Ah loyal readership. Last you heard of my faltering existence I was heading off, tearfully, into the sun of Los Angeles, city of douchebags and dreams. This is a tale of the lowest lows and the highest highs, followed by mediocre lows. The first few weeks in LA were as I am sure you can »

Aaaaaaaaaaahhh summer jobs: Part one of two

April 18, 2008 • 0
Most people are crossing off the days, gleeful as each passing hour brings them one hour closer to summer. Normally, I would be jumping on this bandwagon. I would be driving the four mules dragging the bandwagon, bassoons swaying in the wind! But not this time. Instead, I am the lone patriot, ugly and loyal, »

A YouTube video of Vin Diesel whinnying

April 4, 2008 • 0
The second week of spring break my mom decided that I needed to relax. I said I am relaxed, and she said watching “The Fast and the Furious” love scene montage does not relaxation make. I said rub my back; she said no. I started to sing a song; she said stop. Such began my »

David Attenborough is probably a Byronic Hero

March 7, 2008 • 1
My week of hell is over! And I bet yours is as well! In fact, I bet you are not even on campus anymore. Good thing the YDN content is always available online! Now when I say “hell week” I mean midterms and papers, not getting wastey and being beaten and rubbed with oatmeal and »

Hello! I am happy to meet YOU, new friend!

February 22, 2008 • 0
Last week I watched a guy vomit on his tray in Commons. I don’t know this dude, but he maintained eye contact with me the whole time he was barfing. What does this mean? That’s the thing with first impressions, right — you only really find out when you made a good one. I haven’t »

No regimen or routine can tame me, Molly Green

February 8, 2008 • 0
“Left, left, left, right, left.” “Army of one.” “Be all you can be.” -Various Chants of Army I recently acquired a plant. Plantus is growing at an extraordinary rate! Every morning I bound out of bed to water him from a special cup. And then I take a picture of him, to document his progress. »

No more will The Man get me, Molly Green, down. No Siree bob.

January 25, 2008 • 0
“I get knocked down But I get up again I get knocked down But I get up again I get knocked down But I get up again.” -Chumbawumba This past Thanksgiving I ran a 10K with my family. At the time, I hadn’t run over a mile in over a year. And it was sleeting. »

The life of an undeclared junior: No major, just panic

November 30, 2007 • 1
“Like B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM” -Wait (The Whisper Song) There is nothing quite so terrifying as listening to “WAIT (The Whisper Song)” alone in the dark. Except perhaps being a second-semester junior without a major. I know everyone else has fears. There are »

Halloween Green on hand jobs and hope

November 2, 2007 • 0
Halloween always makes me think of Christmas. Practically speaking, this is because the former always, without fail, foreshadows the latter. But more importantly, I always felt that Ebenezer Scrooge’s canopied bed in “A Christmas Carol” was better suited to a horror film — granted, it would probably be one of those low-grade, soft-porn, sexy blood »


October 19, 2007 • 0
Make Love. Make Love. Make Love. Make Love. — “Make Love,” Daft Punk In my college admissions essay, a passionate discussion of sex ed, I referred to myself as “promiscuous in academics.” This must have been darn tantalizing for my admissions officer because his response note said, “This is the essay I have ever read.” »

Green family wacky and accident prone

October 5, 2007 • 0
My aunt asked me to read a prayer at my cousin’s bat mitzvah this past Saturday. I’m not particularly Jewish, but I am one of the few family members who can read, walk, stand and speak. The piece had something to do with rainbows, and I was worried about getting through it with a straight »