The final frontier is nigh.

Give Us Some Space

September 6, 2013
There is one issue that looms over us all, informing each and every one of our choices. I’m sure most of you will know instinctively what I’m talking about. But for those of you who don’t, I’m talking about the NASA’s plan to lasso an asteroid.
Who are you, test thingy, and why are you here?

All About Midterms

February 22, 2013
That you’re reading this tells me a few things: You have eyes, you are literate and you have reached the end of the sixth week of the semester. We’re halfway there, folks. But I’m afraid you’ll have to keep the champagne on ice a few weeks more. After all, midterm means one thing: midterms. Your »
A beautiful shot of New Haven over the sea. Is this heaven in New Haven?

I Knew Heaven in New Haven

January 18, 2013
I knew heaven in New Haven For Connecticut I rave. Say we college kids, unshaven, “I knew heaven in the Have.”
Trust the yak, rock the vote.

How to vote absentee: A True Story

October 19, 2012
I may not be the “cool guy” for saying it, but you should vote. I mean, honestly, I’m not going to win any “popularity contests” here; nobody is going to call me “awesome” and “handsome” for talking about the presidential election. Heck, I can’t imagine anyone coming up to me and saying “Hey, you’re my »

From the Front: Wild and Wooly Tales of Summer

August 31, 2012
How 10 (actual) Yalies spent their summer vacations: James Schrumm (TC 2014): “I decided to take advantage of Yale’s wealth by applying for a fellowship, and then by stealing a large sum of money by way of a “clerical error” when my application was denied. I used the money to travel to a country that »

The Truth Will Out

April 13, 2012
T.S. Eliot once wrote “April is the coolest month.” But to me it seems more like the cruelest month. Work is piling up; the year is winding down. Not to mention all those damn lilacs, mixing memory and desire. But April it is, and in just a few days we’ll be crushed to death by »

Death to taxes

February 24, 2012
Ladies and gentlemen, taxes are very important. Taxes fund things we all like and depend upon: health care for the elderly, public schools, roads and infrastructure, and the military. I think if we paid higher taxes, we would be able to get more great stuff! Another thing: isn’t it nutty that rich people pay a »

Once in a blue Newt

February 3, 2012
“You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.” Jimmy Stewart, with that inimitable twinkle in his eye, spoke those words in 1946’s classic “It’s a Wonderful Life.” When Jimmy Stewart offered America the moon, women swooned, children smiled, and everyone dreamed of a world »

Shopping Period With A Side Of Buffalo Sauce

January 20, 2012
[Jordan Ascher was unable to write his column this week due to circumstances. We apologize, because we know that you like it when he writes a column, and that your week will be worse because he didn’t. Instead, we offer you the next best thing: a transcription of his inner monologue, recorded by the device »

Grand Old Pussycat

December 2, 2011
A friend of mine recently made the astute observation that Herman Cain has never held any sort of public office. Never a congressman, governor, or senator, the most Mr. Cain can say is that he’s a citizen. He is, in other words, Citizen Cain. Pretty good, right? Now that we’ve all had a good laugh, »

Thank you, Earth.

November 11, 2011
I know, dear reader, that for you it is Friday. Oh, how joyful you must be. The week has all but passed; the debauched joy-scape of the weekend lies ahead. And beyond that, the blood-stirring fall landmarks: The Game, Thanksgiving and somewhere beyond that, Christmas. Thoughts of family, home and old friends percolate in your »

Nebraska woman solves nation’s problems

October 28, 2011
These days, Americans cannot agree on anything at all! Following the example of our political leaders — who are notable mostly for their dashing good looks and reptilian brains — we have become a body politic divided on all sorts of issues that really must be solved if we wish to keep our nation from »