WEEKEND PLAYS CUPID: The Blindest Date

He'll pluck your strings.
He'll pluck your strings. // Brianna Loo

This year, WEEKEND received a record number of applications (or at least we think so — we’re not good with numbers)  for our Valentine’s Day Blindest Date contest. There were many qualified candidates for very few — 20! —  available spots. Without further ado, we present a set of guys and gals for your judging. They are charming, witty, potato-loving! At the end of our online voting session, the top Bachelor and Bachelorette will be paired together in a rendezvouz for the ages. Get yo’ love guru on. 

 

The Gals

Bachelorette #1

Major: I’m an architecture major, but I’m not artsy. Or hipster.

Interests: I enjoy running, reading, drawing and cooking – and by cooking I mean eating (especially trying new restaurants).

Hidden Talent(s): Unfortunately, I don’t have any hidden talents, but I’m pretty competent at the oboe and organizing plans. Oh! I also love traveling and will go anywhere on a whim, so I suppose I’m spontaneous.

Celebrity Spirit Animal: My spirit animal would probably be a polar bear because they’re aggressive fighters and gentle lovers.

Looking for: I’m not really sure what I’m looking for. If I could condense it to one statement: Natalie Portman in male form. Obviously someone who would make me laugh and bring snacks and coffee to the arch studio at three am would be ideal.

 

Bachelorette #2

Major: Happiness

Interests: Night runs; blowing soap bubbles; dancing in heels; going on adventures with Hercule Poirot.

Hidden Talent(s): Predicting relationships before they happen; reciting Friends dialogues verbatim; doing that thing with your tongue where it looks like a clover; cooking minute mac & cheese in 57 seconds (bam!)

Celebrity Spirit Animal: Emma Stone

Looking for: Someone who can microwave popcorn without burning it; can convince my suitemates to let me adopt a lab; will wear a bowtie; can decipher what Sean Paul is saying in “Temperature” because let’s face it, that man is utterly incomprehensible.

 

Bachelorette #3

Major: Psychology so I can basically learn to read people’s minds.

Interests: Eating the chocolate brownie pudding dessert thing from the dining hall with ice cream, procrastinating on anything and everything, watching How I Met Your Mother and admittedly, the Bachelor, getting annoyed when people mistake cross-country skiing for downhill, and listening to One Direction, which is what I’m during currently.

Hidden Talent(s): Being able to hold my breath for a grand total of 47 seconds, making things awkward for myself and running kind of fast.

Celebrity Spirit Animal: Diego from “Ice Age,” because he’s sassy.

Looking for: Someone who is really, really ridiculously good looking, thinks I’m funny, eats as much ice cream as me, can deal with my sarcasm and loves cats. The loving cats qualification is probably the most important. Meow.

 

Bachelorette #4

Major: idk

Interests: eating dancing singing potatoes

Hidden Talent(s): N/A

Celebrity spirit animal: Scrat from “Ice Age.”

Looking for: potatoes

 

Bachelorette #5

Major: Get back to me in a year

Interests: Eating bagels, listening to Australian radio, talking about people, making puns, taking really long showers

Hidden Talent(s): All my talents are pretty overt

Celebrity Spirit Animal: Chris Lilley

Looking for: Someone who can still understand me when I’m at a party and the music is loud (or just moderately loud. or no music. its the accent). Or really just anything with a heartbeat, lets be honest.

 

Bachelorette #6

Major:  I’m an Anthropology and Biology (intensive) double major, so basically I’m a super nerd.

Interests: I’m interested in evolutionary medicine, and hiking, and camping, and hanging with friends, and drinking (woooo 21!), and turning all activities into nude activities.

Hidden Talent(s): I’m not very good at hiding anything, so I wouldn’t say any of my talents are hidden, but I’m super awesome at finding people apartments (which I do to avoid thinking about finding myself an apartment).

Celebrity Spirit Animal: Ellen Page

Looking for: Someone to join me for a free meal I guess.  I guess that somebody cool would be cool too.

 

Bachelorette #7

Major: Architecture

Interests: Cycling, froyo, building and designing sets, froyo, my bike, architecture, froyo—and I’d like to let everyone know Amy made me do this.

Hidden Talent(s): German Pictionary (somehow I’m better at illustrating words in German).

Celebrity Spirit Animal: Jennifer Lawrence? Or is this supposed to be an animal that is a celebrity? The Taco Bell Dog?

Looking for: That they know how and when to not give a fuck (I’m still figuring that out).

 

Bachelorette #8

Major: English 

Interests: I’m a human of the female variety. By that I mean I’m a girl. I have a tendency, which some people find annoying but which you (significant other) might find endearing, of clarifying myself constantly. Some things I like are koalas, the Yankees, ice-skating, my three dogs and two younger brothers, and World War II history.

Hidden Talent(s): I am secretly good at sailing and spiraling a football. I am also good at Pictionary and I love camping.

Celebrity Spirit Animal: I have no celebrity spirit animal.

Looking for: Someone who is honest and direct at all times, funny most of the time and who will accompany me on snowy adventures. He also must enjoy looking at paintings (not all kinds of paintings, but some paintings) and talking about them.

 

Bachelorette #9

Major: Economics and Theatre Studies

Interests: I love to sing, dance, horseback ride, hike, run, color, travel, zip-line, and eat. Oh and I love stories.

Hidden Talent(s): I can lick my elbow, stand on top of my toes, and have a twisted vertebra in my back!

Celebrity Spirit Animal: My celebrity spirit animal would probably be a mix of Natalie Portman and Zooey Deschanel if you can imagine that…a bit of smart class with a whole lot of quirk.

Looking for: I guess I just want someone who’s obsessed with all music, and love to just try everything. Optimism is essential because I think that anything is possible, and I want someone who encourages that mindset not someone who will shoot me down. However I need someone comfortable in their own skin with their own opinion… I have to be with someone who’s interesting and curious about the simplest things.

 

Bachelorette #10

Major: English and Economics

Interests: My favorite books are Anna Karenina, The Great Gatsby, and Lady Chatterley’s Lover. My favorite movies are Romeo and Juliet (1996), Cruel Intentions, and American Psycho.

Hidden Talent(s): My hidden talent is snowboarding (you probably wouldn’t guess that looking at me hehe).

Celebrity Spirit Animal: Nemo is probably my celebrity spirit animal; I’m a pretty curious individual and a bit of a thrill seeker!

Looking for: I’d say that I am interested in someone with a big heart and a happy disposition. I’m looking for someone that knows what he wants with his life…if he can quote literature, that’s a plus!

The Guys

Bachelor #1

Major: How would you define a biology major who also believes in divine creation?

Interests: What would you say about someone who has as much fun baking cookies as he does doing competitive online Pokemon battling?

Hidden Talent(s): Does reciting an entire book of Jack Prelutsky poems from memory qualify as a talent?

Looking for: Would it be so wrong for a self-designated Idris Elba to ask for a woman with a robust sense of humor and a love of NBC mockumentaries?  Or that she be willing to watch me sample every flavor at Ashley’s before getting a waffle cone with two scoops of Butter Crunch once a week for the rest of my life?  Am I just looking for someone to answer all my questions?

 

Bachelor #2

Major: Economics

Interests: I like football. I play football. Sleeping and scratching my body.

Hidden Talent(s): Pastry chef since age 15.

Looking for: When it comes to dating, I look for women who are athletic, down-to-earth and smaller than me. That’s it. And somebody who can scratch me. In fact, even writing this is really hard because I have to scratch myself for five minutes after every word. So this is 150 words x 5 minutes per word = 150 x 5 = 150150150150150 minutes. Anyways, I will close with this short rhyme:

Psych.

I ain’t gonna rhyme.

 

Bachelor #3

Major: Economics

Interests: Despite being a natural at rowing, he is a true gentleman, and it has been said that [Bachelor #3]’s wit makes lesser men tremble. He’s currently on the varsity crew team and on the Canadian national team at home. He likes to think of himself as an outgoing individual who loves to please other people. He would love to take you on a nice quiet walk or chat with you over a candlelit dinner.

Hidden Talent(s): Unfortunately, his hidden talents will remain a secret.

Celebrity Spirit Animal: Seabiscuit, because of his determination to achieve.

Looking for: His ideal woman would be one who is athletic, outgoing and likes to have fun but who also wouldn’t mind spending a romantic night at home.

 

Bachelor #4

Major: Engineering

Interests: Cycling, music, robotics, traveling

Hidden Talent(s): I can drive stick shift, Greek dancing

Celebrity Spirit Animal: John Stamos

Looking for: Someone easy to talk to, fun, genuine. And someone who can tolerate my love for bad puns.

 

Bachelor #5

Major: Mathematics

Interests: Nature, piano, basketball, wakeboarding (back in the day)

Hidden Talent(s): I can wiggle my ears and hair at the same time. Also, I’m really good at certain video games.

Celebrity Spirit Animal: Billy Crudup

Looking for: Hopefully a human being. After that, it’s pretty much gravy, but someone who listens well would be nice.

 

Bachelor #6

Major: Cognitive science with a concentration on decision-making and morality

Interests: I am a man. I have the potential to grow a  beard, but rarely do. I see myself going into something creative and entrepreneurial — likely a vegan restaurant or bakery. I am a man. Or maybe I’ll go into radio journalism.

Hidden Talent(s): I am a man. I can juggle apples and eat one of them at the same time. I can also make a pun out of anything. How you like dem apples? I look forward to eating your (vegan friendly) food.

Celebrity Spirit Animal: Baloo from the Jungle Book.

Looking for: I’m looking for someone who can make me laugh and who I can be totally at ease with. Preferably someone who likes folk and jazz music; if they can sing, all the better.

 

Bachelor #7

Major: Lazer

Interests: Pinteresting, scrapbooking, race walking

Hidden Talent(s): I am like a tiger.

Celebrity Spirit Animal: Mike Tyson

Looking for: ~//~*L0V3*~//~

 

Bachelor #8

Major: Astronomy and physics

Interests: Dancing (with the Yale Ballet Company and Sabrosura), Gogol, helping others, and star-gazing (duh :) )

Hidden Talent(s): 8+ years of playing acoustic and electric guitar leads to an occasional serenade :)

Celebrity Spirit Animal: None other than my most passionate man crush — Ryan Gosling!

Looking for: A down-to-earth personality not averse to a romantic relationship and affection, open-mindedness, a sense of humor and honesty.

 

Bachelor #9

Major: Philosophy

Interests: Music, theater, musical theater, the Art Gallery, critical thought, spirited argument, witty repartee, tea, comparative mythology, archetypal quest stories

Hidden Talent(s): Playing songs by ear, voice acting/ vocal impressions, really good at remembering names

Celebrity Spirit Animal: Mark Hamill

Looking for: Someone to share the view at the top of the world (or at least the top of East Rock) with, and to have a deep conversation with during the climb.

 

Bachelor #10

Major: Economics

Interests: Urban development … but like taking classes from a variety of disciplines like philosophy and political science.

Hidden Talent(s): I was going to say cooking … but I think it is more like eating! I guess it is not a talent per say, but I love eating food, eating food with people, sharing food with people, making food with people.

Celebrity Spirit Animal: Tom Hanks. I have been told that my spirit animal in general is either a St. Bernard or St. Bernese Mountain Dog.

Looking for: I am looking for someone who is introspective yet outgoing, someone who will challenge me yet be able to compromise and someone who is dependable and independent.

 

Clarification: Feb. 14

A previous version of this article incorrectly stated the response to the “Looking for” section of Bachelorette #10′s profile.

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