The Game(s)

Your third-wave cultural privilege is fucking #problematic.

Every November, students, parents, and alumni from two of the America’s most prestigious educational institutions gather to watch “The Game,” one of the nation’s most celebrated athletic traditions. Some experts even claim that the game of football traces its roots to this very event! Here at the Ivy League Gaming Commission (ILGC), we have invented some other games just for the students of Yale and Harvard to play this weekend. Let the Game(s) begin!

–N. Ferguson,

Chair, ILGC

Two Truths and a Lie On Your Admissions Essay:

Swap admissions essays with a Harvardian and see if you can pick out which “facts” about your “life-changing experience” in “Guatemala” the summer before junior year are more like fiction.

The Amazing Race to Your Off-Shore Bank Account:

A Yalie and Harvardian face off to see who can reach the Cayman Islands first. Winner will have a library wing named in his/her honor. A donation to NPR will be made in the Loser’s name.

Taboo:

While engaged in conversation with acquaintances on the street, students struggle to come up with the most creative euphemisms for their schools. When the stranger asks where you go to school, try answering “Connecticut,” “outside of Boston,” or “on the East Coast.”

Liberal Guilt Obstacle Course:

See if you can make your way to class without popping the precious little bubble that protects you from the outside world by avoiding conversations with homeless people, anti-war protestors, and sundry activists.

Synchronized Summering:

You and your partner go head to head to see who can put together the most luxurious vacation this summer. Judges will consider Facebook albums, tan lines, and sky miles in their analysis.

Hide (Your Disdain for Students on Financial Aid) and Go Seek:

We’re all good at doing this.

Family Party Games:

Pin the Tail on the Diploma

Pin the Diploma on the Internship

Pin the Internship on a long miserable life devoid of meaning

Monopoly:

Over the next 30 years of your life, you and a Harvardian will literally see who can make the most money in the real estate market.

Bingo:

You and a partner will take the featured “Ivy League Bingo Sheet” to class and see who can put together a horizontal, vertical, or diagonal combination first. “Problematic” is a free square!

Trivial Pursuits:

Compare your extracurricular commitments with your Harvard competitor!

Three Legacied Race:

You and two other Yalies will race three Harvardians to see who can run 100 yards on their own merits.

Fabergé Egg Toss:

This one also speaks for itself. Try not to break the eggs! But if you do, it will be fine I guess.

Pong Perignon:

Face off against Harvard in this swanky version of an old college favorite.

Musical Chairman of the Board:

It’s just like musical chairs, but the winner becomes the head of a major corporation!

Charade:

In a contest spanning the rest of your life, see how long you can keep up the façade of being important or meaningful!

Bench Presstige:

How many copies of books that your teacher wrote can you lift at one time? Probably not many!

Yachtzee:

Face off with a Harvardian in a game of Yahtzee. Winner gets a yacht! Loser also gets a yacht!

Tug of War Mongering Alumni:

Yale wins!

Touch Football:

Amuse yourself with a friendly game of amateur touch football at the Yale Bowl this Saturday at noon!

 

 

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