In this time of snow and cold, when 50 percent of the people I know have recently purchased a happy lamp or an industrial-sized bottle of vitamin D-3, I thought I’d share the things that are making me happy today, in hopes that they might brighten your day too. Excluded in this list are BuzzFeed links, baby animals and Tyra Banks GIFs because even though they are great, everyone knows about them.
1. Taye Diggs: This week, Taye Diggs discovered an intruder in his home, chased the motherfucker down and detained him until the police came. What a badass, protecting Idina and his Blewish baby — take notes people, this is how a man handles his business.
2. The return of gangsta rap: Maybe it never really went away. Maybe it’s been here the entire time, outshined by the likes of Soulja Boy and 2 Chainz — who are genius performance artists if they are at all self-aware — but I don’t have a fear/awe relationship like I did with the rappers of yore. I wanna hear some rappers who’ve seen some shit, and have more to contribute to the canon than that they’re in love with strippers and chasing shawties. Ew.
ENTER RICK ROSS, a giant, scary-looking man in furs who started a feud with 50 Cent for looking at him the wrong way. He just survived a drive-by shooting, and did I mention that he’s terrifying? The man is a true gangsta and can spit rhymes like woah. I haven’t been this scared of a rapper since DMX was relevant and I kind of missed it, you know?
3. Twinkle Twinkle Little Rock Star: I have a history of insomnia, but no longer thanks to a miraculous Spotify discovery! The artist Twinkle Twinkle Little Rock Star remixes artists like Sublime, Queen, One Direction, David Bowie, Kanye, Fleetwood Mac and Rick Springfield into the dulcet tones of a baby’s lullaby. Want to expose your children to Nirvana without explaining the song “Rape Me?” Think that Arcade Fire’s “Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)” would be a shock to a child’s senses? THERE IS A SOLUTION. Some god of a human turned almost every great song ever into a soothing lullaby. I think tonight’s selection will be an arrangement of Radiohead’s “High and Dry.” I swear to god, Twinkle Twinkle Little Rock Star will change your life.
4. Bipartisan immigration reform: I actually don’t know enough about anything to have a legitimate opinion about the immigration reform proposal made by a bipartisan Senate committee this past week, but I like the word “bipartisan” because it makes me feel as though I live in a country where civility is possible. And also unicorns and puppies and rainbows.
5. The Weather Channel named 2 inches of snow “Winter Storm Khan.” As in Genghis Khan/“Wrath of Khan,” Khan.
… And finally …
6. Beyonce is coming out with an HBO documentary about herself. She’s also releasing a new album with Destiny’s Child and performing at the Super Bowl halftime show, making 2013 the most awesome year on record.
This is literally the darkest part of the year. Spring break seems so far away, and there isn’t enough sleep, coffee or downtime to keep anyone sufficiently and sustainably happy in subfreezing weather. I hope you also find a couple of awesome things to perk up your day.