Dear Master Robot

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YALE IS CHANGING, AND MANY UNDERGRADUATES HAVE QUESTIONS. HERE TO ADDRESS CONCERNS IS YOUR NEW, YALE CORPORATION-APPROVED ROBOT WHO WILL BE REPLACING YOUR RESIDENTIAL COLLEGE MASTER.

Dear Robot Master,

I need to pick a major, and I’m torn between humanities and history of art. Can we sit down and talk about it?

-Majorless in Morse

Dear [student name],

Have you considered courses in science, technology, engineering and math [STEM®]? Yale offers a variety of courses in the science, technology, engineering and math [STEM®] fields. These courses will prepare you for a wide range of careers in science, research, finance, business, international relations and management.

-Robot Master

Dear Robot Master,

I’m looking to use my ISA to study abroad this summer. I’m trying to decide between doing an Eastern European history program in Prague or an architecture course in Siena. Any thoughts?

-Traveling in Trumbull

Dear [second query],

In Singapore, your horizons will be widened, your range of competencies extended and your opportunities multiplied.

As a Yale-NUS student you will be surrounded by opportunities — intellectual, entrepreneurial, artistic, international, professional and interpersonal— that can launch you toward both long-term ambitions and unforeseen achievements.

As a Yale-NUS student, you may even have the opportunity to visit Yale’s American campus in New Haven, Connecticut. Welcome to Singapore!

-Robot Master

Hey Master R!

I hear the University is really into this new college in Singapore. It sounds exciting, but how can we be sure the students’ right to free speech won’t be jeopardized?

-Bothered in Branford

Dear peon,

defaults read ~/.Yale-NUS/Applications/Freedom.app/Contents/Info:

The domain/default pair of /.Yale-NUS/Applications/Freedom.app could not be found.

-[Master R]

Dear Robot Master,

What do you think the University is going to be like after President Levin leaves? How is the administration going to pick a new president?

-Stumped in Silliman

Dear [SID #555362345],

The Yale Corporation depends on students like you in selecting a president. As the Presidential Search Committee’s Robot-Student Liaison, I will be holding office hours at your nearest electrical outlet to discuss your concerns. You may nominate human faculty members to serve on the search committee by emailing thiswillneverbechecked@yale.edu in the next 10 minutes. You may also submit paper nominations to the trash can on the first floor of Woodbridge Hall.

-RM [Robot Master]

Dear Robot Master,

I don’t mean to be a tattletale, but my floormates aren’t keeping quiet hours when I’m trying to study. How should I resolve this without creating bad feelings?

-Ticked in TD

Dear [human student],

Yale’s two new residential colleges will broaden undergraduate campus life and extend the benefits of a Yale College education to 200 additional students with each graduating class.

-Robot Master model #235-76a

Dear Robot Master,

I’d like to register a party I’m having this weekend for my friend’s birthday this Saturday. We’re expecting around 40 people — just following procedure!

-Debauched in Davenport

Dear [≠off campus >50; =on campus <50 ~/.required_registration_with_Master’s_office],

Have “fun”.

-RM

[Thanks to a generous gift from the Seymour H. Manatee ’36 Foundation, beginning in the 2013-2014 academic year, Yale College administrators will be replaced with robots and the Yale Schools of Art, Music and Drama will be demolished.]

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