How to get Yalies to come to your (actually) great event

The event has just begun...

If you’re a Yalie through and through, chances are that you have, at one point or another, tried to organize an event. Chances are about four of your friends showed up and the rest of your potential attendees were scattered through the other 30 events happening on campus at the same time.

So how to attract all those Yalies to your event?

  1. Promise wenzels: “One does not simply eat a wenzel.” In an ideal world, we’d like to eat as many as we can — after a night on the town, during a reading period mid-day meltdown, when slicing up a body in the morgue (Hey, it was the YCC wenzel challenge) — without paying the cost for any of them. For your event, advertise free wenzels for everyone, even if you actually aren’t handing any out. Once enough people have already come, have faith that their intellectual curiosity will entice them to stay. On the other hand, they may kill you.
  2. Promise debauchery and opulence: Think Toads.
  3. Take advantage of Bulldog Days: Come Bulldog Days, there is a university-wide attempt to attract prefrosh. In a frenzy of prefrosh-focused activities, Yale undergraduates abruptly stop being the centre of the Yale universe. And you know there is just one thing Yalies don’t like: feeling neglected. We solve this by dressing in our best prefrosh uniforms and crashing BDD events. Though your event may not attract pre-frosh (they’re probably at that SAE party), it will definitely attract upperclassmen looking for some free Claire’s Cake.
  4. Use frat boys as publicists: Guaranteed to work better than those expensive posters you printed and that Facebook event you made. We at Yale might pretend that we graduated from social ladders and feelings of insecurity when we came to college. This is not true. Upon landing on campus, we realized that while everyone is as nerdy and geeky as us, some happen to hide it under the exterior of rippling muscles and artfully styled hair. Getting those dreamy frat boy/heavyweight rower friends to spread the word will definitely have the effect of Regina George declaring it a party.
  5. Start a flash mob in Commons. Even if your dance routine to loud Indian music has nothing to do with the event, use that sexy behind to your advantage to lure people into coming. Ask people to join in with the music. Having their adrenaline pumping will trick people into thinking they’re actually excited (thank you, Psych 101) and maybe even seduce them into coming.
  6. Provide illegal substances. The Yale Daily News does not promote underage drinking. However, were you to have an event “exclusively” for seniors, concoctions with coconut or coffee flavours would definitely draw a crowd. All above 21, of course.
  7. Bring famous people. Think Morgan Freeman. Or James Franco. Walk around Cross Campus, stop random people and ask them if their parents are famous. Chances are, they’ll say yes. You just found yourself a guest of honor.
  8. Yalies like to be a part of exclusive experiences — secret societies, not-so-secret societies, invitation-only parties. Declare the event invite-only and make sure that the entire Yale panlist is bcc’ed. M.
  9. Copy the Pundits (google: Yale pundits party). As a last-ditch attempt to lure in unsuspecting undergrads, claim that your event is a themed party. Half way through, BAM. Change of theme. It’s actually a discussion about the impact of Mormons on Native American archaeology.
  10. If all else fails, offer a free viewing of The Hunger Games. The odds will be in your favor.

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