Minor Thoughts on Undergraduate Majors

Ronald Reagan being American. Now you can major in this!

The recent creation of the Ethnicity, Race & Migration major, and the division of the Biology major has brought to our attention the limitations of the current majors offered at Yale. Therefore, we have taken it upon ourselves to submit to the Dean of Undergraduate Studies, Joseph W. Gordon, some modifications to the current lineup of subjects. Although it may require some sacrifices, we believe that our changes will allow every student to fully pursue his or her passion at Yale. Our suggestions are as follows:

Division of the Music Major:

To account for the varied musical interests at Yale and to ensure that each interest receives proper attention and care, the Music major will be split into Instrumental Studies and A Capella. Instrumental Studies majors will retain the same requirements and DUS as they did under the Music major. Students interested in the A Capella major will be relocated to two new soundproof residential colleges in West Haven.

Economics:

A new prerequisite to the Economics major, “The Economics of Economics,” will be added. The class will discuss the relative costs and benefits of spending four years studying economics.

Science?:

By popular demand, Yale will introduce the Science For Non-Science Majors major. Prerequisites include “Planets and Stars,” “The History of Life,” “Planets,” and “Stars.”

European Studies:

The European Studies major will be split into Greater European Studies and Poland. Students applying to the Poland Major will be encouraged to donate food, money or clothing to the destitute Republic of Poland. Donors of over $100 worth of goods will be granted temporary sovereignty over the country, a Polish province named in their honor, and a lifetime supply of kielbasa. Donors of $10 worth of goods or more will receive a Poland tote bag.

American Studies:

The American Studies major will be partitioned into two new majors: Studies and just being American. The former will retain all responsibilities and requirements of the American Studies major. The latter is self-explanatory.

Cognitive Science:

A new prerequisite to the Cognitive Science major, “The Cognitive Science of Cognitive Science,” will be added. The class will discuss the mental processes by which students decide to spend four years studying Cognitive Science.

Portuguese:

To offset the costs of these majors, Yale will eliminate the Portuguese major. Sorry.

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