How To: Navigate A Frat Party

Leaders of Greek organizations presented a proposal to administrators Thursday drafting preliminary details of the ban on Greek organizations’ freshman fall rush period.

I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir. By this point in the year, every freshman girl in a too-tight dress and freshman boy hoping to differentiate himself from the geeds has trekked through a damp, sticky rager armed with an overflowing solo cup of Natty Light and the sheer willpower and determination that only liquid courage can provide. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you about the redeeming and sometimes not-so-redeeming qualities of Thursday night keggers and after Toad’s post-games haphazardly thrown together at 2 a.m. on York Street. It is my assumption, false though it may be, that if you’ve decided to pursue a fratty lifestyle you’ve already donned your sexiest lacy apparel and “party shoes,” concealed your Yale ID and credit card in the back of your iPhone case, and braved the masses on High Street or Lake Place, searching for love in the hopeless place that is The Frat Basement.

But while you may be a pro at finding the only bathroom in the house offering toilet paper or hiding your coat in a room where it won’t later be used as an extra layer between some horny strangers and an unknowing brother’s bed, it seems as though the rules of engagement here aren’t common knowledge. I know that fratty and classy aren’t mutually exclusive to everyone, but these simple guidelines have gotten me through many a Late Night — with my dignity, if not my belongings, in tow.

1) We Can See You

I don’t know how many times people can legitimately pretend to be surprised that everyone knows about how they hooked up in the Toad’s bathroom or went upstairs with this brother or that one and were seen sneaking home along the scenic route the next morning. Sadly for us, we don’t live in the ’60s. We eat, sleep, and breathe technology. Between the twitters of our favorite Frat Stars and Sorors, the monumental upswing of Muploading, RumpChat, and oh, I don’t know … the camera phone, there is a .01 percent chance that you can do something at a Frat Party and not be seen. Before you can even untangle your hands from your hookup’s hair, someone’s already photographed it, texted it, tweeted it, or committed it to drunken memory. Don’t do something with the idea that the awful lighting and blacked-out blur of raging will obscure your identity. People will find out. Use your judgement.

2) Be Prepared

Nothing annoys me more than when people pretend like they’re shocked to have seen someone that they know at the only frat party going on Friday night. Do your hair, put on some makeup, wear something flattering! All of the sorority squats and skinny arms in the world can’t hide your sweatpants and Uggs in the background of a party picture.

3) Don’t Fall

There is perhaps nothing more embarrassing than falling down the stairs. Except maybe falling down the stairs when there are 400 people in line for a cup of punch. Sadly, the older you get at Yale, the harder it is to bounce back from a Saturday night spill. So unless you break a heel, use railings, grab an escort, stay on the first floor if you have to, but please, for your own sake, don’t be the girl who fell.

4) Don’t Cry

Another common party persona is “The Crying Girl.” She can often be found in some not-so-secluded corner of the house sobbing into another mortified girl’s shoulder as mascara runs down her face and her wailing drowns out our weekly dose of Avicii. But crying in public is as out of style as MySpace. If you’re gonna do it, for the love of God, don’t publicize it.

Frat parties are integral to college culture. Between all of the Stoner Sages, Blackout Bettys, Sloppy Susans and Sober Sallys, frat life provides us with a glimpse into the private lives of Yale’s Finest Greeks, Ragers, and Cat Daddy Extraordinaires. Although the administration hates it and NHPD is all over it, everyone can learn something valuable from watching a few failed keg stands. So whether you’re fighting for a spot on the pong table, aggressively trying to start a game of flip cup, or grinding on the makeshift dance floor, Frat hard, Frat proud, and keep it classy.

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