Top 5 Reasons why Lana Del Rey is (still) amazing and divine and shut up, I’m talking!

So, my first post was supposed to deal with the reasons why you yourself should start your own personal blog but then someone else stole my thunder. That seemed like the logical tack to get the ball rolling after coaxing my way into a weekly blog series, in which I will try to infotain you doing what I do best: judging and making lists, in that order. But now let’s try to stay topical for the sake of my writing inadequacy and your reading pleasure.

Have you heard of Lizzy Grant? No, you have not. How about her alter ego, Lana Del Rey? I know the name sounds akin to a fast food taco emporium but Lana is actually a veritable cultural sensation. Kind of like tacos, I guess. Some love to hate her (wassup Brian Williams!). Others hate to love her, and I just LOVE to love her. Maybe because I make believe her petite nose and distended lips are all natural, or maybe it’s just her faux-Hispanic je ne sais quoi. If you do not know who I’m talking about, stick your lowbrow hands into a wall socket and then read my two cents on the Matter of Lana.

HERE’S WHY:

5) “It’s you, it’s you, it’s all for you”

I really do feel her “Video Games” “homemade” music video was all for me. My friend LoRo was not the only girl/man/child/manchild watching it on repeat this summer while munching stale bread moistened by awe-inspired tears. Her comments on Lana lead me to my next point:

4) She sucks live

LoRo also calls Lana’s chance for a comeback into question. But there’s a reason I think Lana is (still) the sultry “Lolita lost in the hood” she intends to be. For starters, her first major-label album hits the international markets today, with no signs of stoppable commercial success despite the inevitable negative reviews. And so what if she can’t dazzle a live audience? Neither can most artists, and looking like Priscilla Presley circa 1967 on oxycodone is kind of her thing anyway.

3) Lanamania

As we have with every pop culture whirlwind, we all scream for Lana these days. How can we not when she says she wants her music to be the “sonic equivalent of a Vincent Gallo film”? LOLWUT? Who says stuff like that? Have you seen “The Brown Bunny”? (OH GOD DON’T!) These WTF statements make total sense if you actually watch a Lana interview. Her eerie smile, added to the compulsive hair fixing and the lilt of her ingenuous voice, lets you know she still lacks the appropriate confidence to cope with this newfound attention. She just needs a warm hug you guys!

2) This

Whoever thought of marrying David Lynch + Lana Del Rey should win a National Medal of Something Important. In all honesty, her seductive flair can barely conceal the fact that she does look like a stock character from “Twin Peaks.”

1) Reactance!

As my non-pal Lindsey Buckingham once sang, loving (her) isn’t the right thing to do. Yet the more critics and bloggers tear poor Lana Del Rey to pieces, the more your eyes stay glued to her every move — reverse psychology for the media enthusiast. How can something so fascinating be so reviled? Still, the negative press only serves her as malleable clay from which she can craft her next exploit. Perhaps she believes that by relying on artifice enough times, the public will finally notice her music and forget about all that specious disparagement. However forced the Lana machine might feel to you, with her it’s merely about the aesthetics and not so much about the talent. She knows what she is doing, and she does it well. You just can’t wait for her next step and wonder if her feet will fail her.

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