Hursey: ‘Loving all-a this’

Ever seen the show “Trans-form Me” on Vh1? I have. It’s wonderful. Fabulous transsexuals teach dowdy women how to flaunt their womanhood with pride. They come in a Trambulance (oh, yes they did) and do a complete makeover of a woman who has had no time to take care of herself because she works two jobs to support a kid, or has been watching a lot of daytime television after a heinous breakup. They do her makeup, buy her new clothes to show off her figure, and do a quick little therapy sesh so that she can look into the mirror and know that she is extraordinary.

I’ve got to say, during vacations when I do nothing but eat bonbons and watch television all day, it is a swift punch in the titty. Their philosophy is, “Yeah, I have breasts and I love them!” We should all have that kind of swag and self-affirmation. Willow Smith is 9 years old and is fiercer than most girls on this campus!

I propose a revolution, not against men cause I love them and they are harmless, but against shame of being female. Oh, don’t give me that look. You know you feel all, “We have to give birth and it feels like somebody repeatedly punches me in my lady parts once a month? God definitely hates us.” I know! I’ve been there! I return to that self-pity place often! But ladies, we’ve gots tuh represent.

I’ve recently realized that I too could use a lot more glitter in my life myself. I used to wear oversized clothes and tie my hair up and look as gender-neutral as possible. I’ve changed my ways for the most part, but I feel like there is more that I can do. The truth of the matter is, I want to be a diva, and I don’t think that I am alone in having this desire.

So many female idols today have personalities that are abrasive, big and loud. Look at Kimora Lee Simmons. She coined the term “fabulosity” and lives her life by it. “I wear fur and if somebody throws shit on me I’m gonna whup your ass! I wish somebody would throw shit on me!” Oh, what a woman! And then, of course there’s Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Beyoncé, and all the other women that tear the entertainment industry up. They are moguls, filterless and proud. They are my people. They are your people. They are the women we all wish we were — or the women we hate because we will never be that awesome.

In WGSS classes, they talk a lot about how the conception of feminism was generally thought not to be the opposite of masculinity, but the absence of it. I can see now how the tides are turning. We female folk are finally beginning to learn what our transgender compatriots have known for a long time — being a chick is great. We need to nurture ourselves in our curvaceous, bootylicious and bodacious bodies. No longer is having a vajayjay a sign of weakness. We have Tina Fey! No longer should we have to diet to look like the figureless and skeletal Kate Moss. Katy Perry has boobs! It is a good time to be a lady, people.

Look, I’m not saying that being a chica means hating the male gender either, or getting overly insulted by every demeaning statement that comes from frat row, I’m saying that the transformation to being a strong-ass grown-up woman comes from within, from pride about who you are and the gifts God (or whoever) has given you. Like my mama says, “It’s about loving all-a this.”

According to Ke$ha’s Spirit Animal Quiz, I am a narwhal. “Narwhals are exotic, mysterious and unusual. Magical, mystical, social and emotional. They like to flirt and have a good time.” Sounds like a woman, right? I think what Ke$ha is really saying here is that all women are “like unicorn[s] of the sea!” What could be more magical, or mystical than being a unicorn of the sea? Nothing. And that’s why if you are a lady, you should be proud of it.

Comments

  • ihaveahammer

    This is an old article, but I still think it’s worth calling you out on some bizarre generalizations about transgender people.

    “We female folk are finally beginning to learn what our transgender compatriots have known for a long time”

    —what? first off, lots of transgender people *are* female, and it’s weird that you write as though they’re mutually exclusive categories. Second, there are also plenty who aren’t, and you should qualify that you’re talking about transgender women, since I doubt you think all transgender people, especially men, would sign onto “being a chick is great” as a primary life affirmation. (To be sure, there are plenty of trans men and genderqueer people — I’d hope most — who would embrace that statement, but probably not in the way you mean, since they aren’t themselves “chicks.”)

    Even beyond that, you certainly can’t generalize even about transgender women when it comes to how they feel about womanhood. Transgender women are no more and no less susceptible to their cultures’ ideas about women than anyone else. Perhaps because you, and many others, don’t know many transgender women (or, more likely, don’t know that you know them) it’s easy to paint them in broad strokes. But that’s dangerous, because it implies that transgender women are distinguishable from women as a whole, which, in fact, they aren’t, and the idea that they are is what leads to their rampant oppression.

    I adore TRANSform me. The women are extremely self-aware and have great politics, and it’s a fun show. But to think that you can look at those women and get a picture of what all, even many, transgender women are like is both inaccurate and harmful. You end up looking like Ke$ha — claiming to endorse transgender people’s dignity while remaining unaware that we consist of more than drag queens and male crossdressers (which is not to disparage those people, but that’s literally what Ke$ha thinks!) Ke$ha, I should mention, has an incredibly (and probably unintentionally) transphobic song out (“Grow a Pear”) and I don’t think that’s who you want to emulate.