HOT/NOT: what’s up in 2011

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HOT The Strokes

It’s now clear they were never really gone after all, just hiding “Under Cover of Harkness.” Last night circa 12:51, girl was going Lady Macbeth all over a guy on the phone at the Thain Family Bass Café saying something like, “I hate them all. I hate myself for hating them, so I’ll drink some more. I love them all. I’ll drink even more. I’ll hate them even more than I did before.” Then she looked at her coffee and asked, “Is this shit?” Yes. Yes it is.

NOT Scandinavia.

Quiet. Dark. Cold. White. Unnecessary. Snow and Scandinavia can be described with the same terms. Considering that snow is overrated, overwritten about, blah hated right now blah, the comparison doesn’t bode well for this loose association of Nordic nations. Travelers say it’s the happiest place on earth, and melting. Headlines report high suicide rates and financial meltdown. Regardless, sounds terrible. And as for the cult of Stieg “Wonder” Larsson: There’s almost always a chick with a dragon-ish tattoo sitting in Koffee. There were at least a dozen ice queen-princess-hussies dressed up as ice queen-princess-hussies at Halloween. As everyone always point outs, we have cold, crime, women, etc. here in New Haven proper. Wilkommen to Fjordland.

DESPOT Chua

Ladies, the only thing hotter last season than a MILF was a cougar. The Year of the Rabbit has kicked it up a notch (but actually, where is Emeril?): Tiger Mamma on the prowl. She puts the jungle back into Amazon.com. One reviewer’s comments reached the aneurysmal levels usually reserved for YouTube: “I AM GOING TO THROW THIS BOOK OUT AND GO BUY THE MOTHER TERESA BOOK I HAVE BEEN EYEBALLING … NOW THERE IS A COURAGEOUS, STRONG, GRITTY, HEROIC AND HUMBLE WOMAN!!!” God Bless America.

OVERWROUGHT Metro-North

The longer the delay, the more everyone goes cray — “I’m not fucking getting off if you’re going to bleed my net worth,” “It’s not stopping at Bridgeport, it’s not stopping AN-EE-WHERE,” “Only six of my children are here,” “We need women because they don’t need us.” Either the train is jumping off the tracks or the tracks are jumping off it or someone is jumping on both. Unclear. Either I’m sitting next to “an alum” (insert “The Game” story here) whose boss bought him “this toy, man, a real iPad” (tech startup) or I’m seated too close to a greasy carrot-shaped jerkoff joking about the electric car (both getting old) to three female coworkers or I’m standing because a shrimpy child guilted me. AS IF the two magic words — open container — solved anything.

BOT Watson.

We may have lost Emma, but we still have the robot. What is: Watching the liberal arts become even more irrelevant?

HOTSPOT Sitting.

Sit-ins were effective. And sitting is still in. Ay! Salsa opened up its new dining room; The Dukes Men are selling VIP tickets for priority front row seats at their shows; The YCBA is in the process of acquiring new stools.

HOT or #H/T?

What if monkeys had never evolved into sedentary peoples? What if language stayed the same? DDT was so seventy years ago → DTF. OMG = O.L.D.

And so forth:

STD → STI → NBD

THC → WHC

SML<→ FML

MLIA → MLA

DUH = D’OH

FDR → FCC

PETA → nope, still PETA

BSC → Mmm Chipotle

OCD → OCI

DCFC → DJs → LCD → !!! → ???

AOL → LOL → AOL

Confused?

This year,

1 + 1 → 11

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